Good Morning Girls!  Yesterday was one of those days.  A day that I wanted to be the groundhog and just sleep until spring.  A day that I felt I was on auto pilot and was simply hoping to get through the day.  A day where nothing, yet at the same time everything was all wrong. A day, set up just perfectly for an attack from the devil......

Last night I made a comment to Tom about Thomas' dentist appointment today.  He has 5 cavities (don't even get me started).  This comment turned into the beginnings of a blow-out.  I started thinking about us alone in Cancun and I began to panic.  "What was I thinking?  How is the world am I going to go away with him?"  I desperately wanted to tell him I didn't think we should go...."it will be too much for Jen and Jeremy.....it will be too hard on the kids....."  Somehow, I knew that I could not speak these words.  Then, the floodgates opened, and I could not keep my mouth shut.  Now, don't worry, I didn't start yelling, complaining, nagging, or accusing Tom of anything.  I did however, tell him what I have been telling you Girls.  I told him how I felt like I did not exist in his life.  I told him that if I were gone his life would be the same, he would simply need to hire a cleaning lady and a nanny.  I told him that I feel he has no interest in my life at all.  I told him that I am afraid to even talk to him because his responses break my heart.  I told him I am exhausted from taking care of everyone and everything and I need someone to take care of me.  I said it all girls.  I could not stop.  I was not rude.  I was not hysterical.  I was however at my breaking point.  I felt that if I did not tell him how I felt I would disappear completely.

He didn't say much.  I figured once again it was falling on deaf ears.  He would say something generic to end the discussion, but nothing would change.  I left the room to tuck in the kids.  The whole time I was reading their stories my mind was saying "why couldn't you just keep your big mouth shut!"  I did not want to walk back into the bedroom.  I wanted to crawl in a hole and sleep until my miracle came.

I crawled into bed to read today's assignment for the Love Dare (funny huh?).  Well, wouldn't you know, the reading was about giving love even when it is rejected over and over again.  "You have got to be stinkin' kiddin' me!  Maybe I should have read this before I opened my mouth".  I was completely dumbfounded. 

Then, my miracle came.  Tom got in bed and said "So what are we going to do?"  I am not going to go into the details of our conversation.  I will tell you though that for the first time in forever Tom shared his heart with me.  He told me things I would not have guessed.  He was kind, and sincere, and unguarded.  I was able to see things from his point of view.  He was able to see things from mine.  We did not have any answers at the time on how to fix it, but we both have the desire to.  We trust the Lord will show us the steps to follow.  I fell asleep feeling loved for the first time in years.

So Girls, don't give up.  Don't give in.  Don't settle.  Last night was the beginning of a long healing process for us.  There is one for you all as well.  I love you all.....thanks for listening!

Assignment:
Love is a choice, not a feeling.  It is an initiated action, not a knee-jerk reaction.  Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it.  Say to them today in words similar to these, "I love you.  Period.  I choose to love you even if you don't love me in return."

Questions:
Why is this kind of love impossible without the love of Christ beating in your heart?  How does His presence within you enable you to love, even when it's primarily one-sided?

Psalm 119:30 I have chosen the faithful way

Love you all-
Jen