Good Morning Girls!  Forgiveness.....so easy yet so hard.  When I first read this section I thought to myself "I don't have any unforgiveness."   How could I? That is one of the things we hear about everywhere as Christians.  Unforgiveness hinders prayer.  Unforgiveness prevents blessings.  Unforgiveness causes stress.  Unforgiveness hurts our relationships.  We must forgive others as God forgave us.  I have heard it, read it, and seemingly "done it" over and over again.  So how in the world can I still have unforgiveness?

Two answers have been "spoken" to me.  The first is a test.  A test of whether or not you have truly forgiven someone.  You see, when everything is running smooth, it is easy to believe you have forgiven others.  There is no reason to look back because the present, and the future look great.   But what happens when all hell breaks lose so to speak?  Do you suddenly "remember" the things your spouse may have done that contributed to the current problem? Does the very thing you believed you had forgiven and forgotten suddenly appear front and center as the cause of your current stress? In some situations, you will recall a bad decision, or choice your loved one has made.  You will remember it, so you do not make the same mistake again.  You will forgive and "forget", but not necessarily wipe it out of your mind.  It was a lesson that cannot be forgotten.  Other times however, you will think you have forgiven, but the "crime" is still with you in your mind ready to be listed and reminded to the "criminal".  So, how do you know if the memory you are holding is because of the lesson it serves, or because you are not truly ready and willing to let it go?  I would say by the emotions it brings when it comes to mind.

Let me give you an example.  This weekend I had to concede on the one thing I really have fought hard for for the last few years.  I had to look at Tom and say, "I understand that Charley will have to go to public school this year."  I really never thought this would happen.  I really believed that it would all work out.  Things would turn around, and we would get back on track.  I believed "God would provide".  Well Girls, God has provided, just not the way I believed he would, or even should for that matter.  He has provided for us.  Just because we are unable to send Charley to private school does not take away what the Lord has and continues to provide for us.  So, I had to forgive God.  Then, I had to re- forgive Tom.  Yes, re-forgive.  I am not sure if it is a word, but it makes sense to me.  You see, I was not happy with this concession.  I needed to blame someone.  I started thinking to myself "If you wouldn't have made this decision and that investment, this wouldn't have happened."  I thought "I never asked for him to start his own business.  I never liked the idea.  Why can't he just have a job as an employee, and be happy with that?".  My mind raced for a few minutes.  The good news is, none of it came out of my mouth. 

These thoughts arise a lot lately.  Every time I have to let go of something else that I have grown accustomed to, I have these thoughts.  Now, I don't speak them out loud, but does that mean they aren't affecting our relationship?  Does that mean I am not somewhat cold towards him?   I mean, if I secretly blame him for our current situation, how can it not affect how I feel towards him?  Despite the fact that the whole world is in a recession I still think deep down "It's Tom's fault.  If only this, and if only that, we wouldn't be in this mess."  So there, it's out there, hanging in the air and choking me.  I secretly blame him.  I have been holding my head up high and trying to be this pillar of faith, yet deep down I blame him........and I also blame him for why our breakthrough has not come.  "He needs to repent.  He needs to pray.  He needs to get on his knees and ask for help.  He needs to tell me he is sorry. He needs, he needs, he needs....."  Yes Girls, I would say it is clear that I hold some unforgiveness in my heart.

So Girls, looks like I know what my prayer time will look like today.....how about you? Do you have something in your unforgiveness arsenal that you thought you had gotten rid of?  Take some time today and re-forgive the things that come to mind!

I told you there were 2 things.  I will share the second one with you tomorrow......

Assignment:
Whatever you haven't forgiven in your mate, forgive it today.  Let it go.  Just as we ask Jesus to "forgive us our debts" each day, we must ask Him to help us "forgive our debtors" each day as well.  Unforgiveness has been keeping you and your spouse in prison too long.  Say from your heart "I choose to forgive".

Questions:
What did you forgive your spouse for today?  How long have you been carrying the weight of it? what are the possibilities not that you've released this matter to God?

Luke 23:34 Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing..


Love you all-
jen