Good Morning Girls!  Yesterday I talked about my need to re-forgive Tom for a few things.  I thought I did not harbor any unforgiveness, but it became clear to me that there were in fact things way down deep that were beginning to surface.  To be honest with you, I don't know that my opinion about some of the things will ever change, but my feelings of unforgiveness have....even if I have to re-forgive every so often.
I told you yesterday that the Lord showed me 2 things about forgiveness.  The second one is the need to forgive yourself.  When we asked Jesus Christ to be our Lord and Savior (we renewed this prayer just a couple of assignments ago) along with the gift of salvation came the gift of forgiveness.  Who then are we to hold on to our mistakes if our Heavenly Father has wiped our slate clean?  What good does it do anyone to walk around feeling like we don't deserve the best.  We deserve what is happening to us.  We are simply reaping the bad seeds we have sown in the past?  I'll tell you who benefits from this.....the devil.  If he can keep you in a state of self unforgiveness he can sell you his lies and you won't even put up a fight.
There were times when I would lay in bed feeling lonely, sad, and unloved, and the devil would remind me of all the things I had done to deserve this.  The marriage I had now was exactly related to the sins of my past.  There was no point in fighting for a better one.  I didn't deserve a better one.  In fact, who was I to even ask for a better one?  The devil had me believing I was blessed to simply be alive and have a husband....even if there was no love in it.  It wasn't until I understood that the promises in Gods Word were written for me just as they were written for every other person who has asked Jesus to come into their hearts and confessed their sins.  It wasn't until I understood God's love for me that when the devil pressed play on his "ultimate low points dvd" I could respond with "no thanks. I don't need to watch that again.  I have been forgiven for that.  I am a child of the most high God.  I deserve the best of the best.  Take your movie and shove it!".  I no longer lose sleep to my past mistakes.  I am not proud of them, but I will not let my past rob me of my present or my future.
So Girls, take some time today to check your heart.  Are you holding yourself hostage to your past mistakes?  Do you secretly think that whatever situation you are in is your fault?  Bring it to the Lord.  Make sure you ask Him for forgiveness, and then ask Him to help you forgive yourself. 

Today's Assignment:
Take time to pray through your areas of wrongdoing.  Ask for Gods forgiveness, then humble yourself enough to admit them to your spouse.  Do it sincerely and truthfully.  Ask your spouse for forgiveness as well.  No matter how they respond, make sure you cover your responsibility in love.  Even if they respond with criticism, accept it by receiving it as counsel.

* girls, I am going to advise you to be led by the Holy Spirit on this one.  Please don't go to your spouse and dump a laundry list of everything you have done wrong and then "feel better" because you got it off of your chest.  Make sure you are sharing that which will benefit.  For example, I will need to have confirmation that I should in fact tell Tom that I had secretly blamed him for our present condition.  You see, I feel I have worked that out.  I sought forgiveness and healing from the Lord.  To share this with Tom would simply fuel his biggest fear....that I do not think he is a good enough provider.  He would not not hear the part where I say "but I do not feel that way anymore".  He will hear this "this is your fault.  you are not the man I thought you were.  you suck as a husband.  I am disappointed in you."  Know where you are at in your marriage.  Remember,  Tom and I just started sharing with each other again....this kind of talk could throw us way back.  However, there may be other things that the Lord speaks into my heart today that I need to seek forgiveness on.  I trust Him on this one. 

Questions:
What does your mate need to see in order to believe that your confession was more than just words?

1 John 1:9 if we confess our sins, God is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness

Love you all-
Jen