Good Morning Girls!  If you would have asked me 10 years ago to do today's assignment I would have struggled to pick one area to let go of.  My list would have included: not throwing your dirty clothes in the laundry basket, not leaving gobs of toothpaste in the sink that have facial hair shavings stuck in it,  leaving dishes in sink instead of putting in dishwasher, belching like our house is a fraternity, and of course...passing gas so bad I would actually prefer to be at the fraternity!  Those are just a few things....

So, are you wondering how I miraculously cured Tom from being the man that he was?  Would you like my secret formula?  Here it is.....I quit saying anything.  Yep.  He still does those things.  In fact, when I walked into the kitchen this morning the dishwasher door was completely open, yet there were his dishes just 3 feet away in the sink.  My kids will complain when I tell them to pick up their clothes and bring them to the basket.  They say "why doesn't daddy have to?"  "Because daddy is a Neanderthal" I would like to say, but I don't.

I've talked to Tom's mom and his sister.  It appears that the man Tom is today is exactly like the boy he was growing up.  His room had a certain smell that escaped through the door.  He never was big into cleaning.  Now believe me, I tried to change him.  I yelled, I cried, I treated him like a child, I tried asking him nicely, I tried joking about it.  Nothing worked and after a while I just quit asking.  I used to interpret this behavior as him not loving me enough to do these simple things.  I used to think he was deliberately disrespecting me.  I used to pick up after him with a very resentful heart.  Eventually I just let it go.  I figured if his messiness is one of his worst qualities I can live with that.  For the most part, I take care of these things and don't mind anymore.  However, there are certain (days of the month), where I find myself getting irritated all over again.  The problem is, my joy is gone, but he is still as happy as can be.  So, it really does no good to get upset.

Now some of you may be reading this thinking "That is not right, you shouldn't have to pick up after him.  You need to talk to him."  To those of you who are saying that I say "I agree."  However, remember where my marriage started at the beginning of this dare.  We were hardly talking.  Our communication was a bare minimum.  I was simply trying to keep the peace around here and not start any fights.  So, this is not the time to whine about these things.  I now know he does not do these things deliberately out of disrespect.  I truly believe he doesn't give it a single thought.  Right now I am more concerned with opening the lines of communication than training him to pick up after himself.

So to any of you Girls who have similar situations......let us lift these Neanderthals up in prayer today, and love them as best we can!

Assignment:
Eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in your home.  Think of one area where your spouse has told you you're expecting too much, and tell them you are sorry for being so hard on them about it.  Promise them you will seek to understand, and assure them of your unconditional love.

Questions:
When you place the high expectations on your spouse that they don't feel internally motivated to attain, what does that tell you about yourself?  What are some better ways to deal with these disconnects?

Hebrews 10:24 Let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds.

Love you all-
Jen