Love Dare Finale
Good Morning Girls! A friend of mine e-mailed me yesterday and said though she loves hearing about the wonderful food and service I received in Cancun, she has really been holding out for how things went for Tom and I. When I read it I was a little embarrassed. I didn't even realize that I hadn't written about the "Love Dare" part of the trip. How rude of me to bring you with me on this journey and ditch you at the very end!
After reading her e-mail, I sat there and asked myself "why didn't you write anything about Tom?". "Why wasn't that the first thing you talked about?" "It was a great trip wasn't it?" I replayed the whole trip in my head. Yeah, it was a great trip. I have no regrets, no complaints, no hurt feelings, no unkind words that were spoken or received. There were no unmet expectations or disappointments. We had a great time but there were no "big moments" to write about.
While doing the Love Dare, I was experiencing this intense emotional journey. Our vacation was an opportunity to live out the things I had learned and experienced the 6 weeks prior. It was much less emotional, which is good. After thinking all day yesterday about what i should write, I have decided that I will give you a brief rundown of some of the fun things we did together, and some of the things I discovered about me, him , and us.
We enjoyed awesome meals without interruption. We walked on the beach and played in the ocean (or should I say the ocean played with us). We talked more in 4 days than we have all year. I wrote him love notes and put them by his sink each morning. I asked him as many questions as I could think of about his work trying to show him my interest. He talked a little, but I think he was just wanting to be away from it all for a few days. There were no breakdowns of emotional walls. There were no confessions of profound love. It was simply a good break for us. I know it may sound boring or incomplete, but actually, in my heart, it was perfect.
It was perfect because of the revelations I had. I realized that the things that were driving me nuts for a while are in fact the things I really love about him. For example, I am always complaining that he never wants to do things with other couples. While we were there, there were a lot of group activities with the company who sent us. We went to most of them, but kept to ourselves most of the time. I liked the fact that he just wanted to be with me, and not have my few days with him shared with people I don't know. That doesn't mean however, that I don't still believe one day he will realize the benefits of having "couple friends" to play with. It did make me realize that he could be in the other ditch and put me last. I also complain that he is so quiet and doesn't talk much. Another good quality after all, as the guys who talked the most drove me nuts! The self- important conversations that some men can have made me appreciate the humbleness in Tom. We also spent a couple of hours each day doing our own thing....which I like. I was reminded just how independent I am. I rather like to do what I want, when I want, how I want to. I appreciate that Tom gives me the space to do that. If I were married to someone who was always wanting to be together, or always hanging on me, I would go insane. What I used to interpret as him not "pursuing" me, is really him being considerate enough to give me my space and independence. Most importantly, I realized that we are good. We were able to go right back to "time alone" mode without the kids. I think I worried a little that the kids were what bound us together these last few years. However, there were times on the trip that I almost forgot we had kids as it felt just like our old vacations used to.....without the fighting!
So Girls, it may seem like a lackluster finale to you, but for me, it is perfect. My heart is pure. My emotions are stable. My love tank is full. Is the journey over? No! but at least now I am excited to be on it!
Philemon 7: For I have come to have much joy and comfort in your love (I could not have said that 7 weeks ago)
Love you all-
Jen
After reading her e-mail, I sat there and asked myself "why didn't you write anything about Tom?". "Why wasn't that the first thing you talked about?" "It was a great trip wasn't it?" I replayed the whole trip in my head. Yeah, it was a great trip. I have no regrets, no complaints, no hurt feelings, no unkind words that were spoken or received. There were no unmet expectations or disappointments. We had a great time but there were no "big moments" to write about.
While doing the Love Dare, I was experiencing this intense emotional journey. Our vacation was an opportunity to live out the things I had learned and experienced the 6 weeks prior. It was much less emotional, which is good. After thinking all day yesterday about what i should write, I have decided that I will give you a brief rundown of some of the fun things we did together, and some of the things I discovered about me, him , and us.
We enjoyed awesome meals without interruption. We walked on the beach and played in the ocean (or should I say the ocean played with us). We talked more in 4 days than we have all year. I wrote him love notes and put them by his sink each morning. I asked him as many questions as I could think of about his work trying to show him my interest. He talked a little, but I think he was just wanting to be away from it all for a few days. There were no breakdowns of emotional walls. There were no confessions of profound love. It was simply a good break for us. I know it may sound boring or incomplete, but actually, in my heart, it was perfect.
It was perfect because of the revelations I had. I realized that the things that were driving me nuts for a while are in fact the things I really love about him. For example, I am always complaining that he never wants to do things with other couples. While we were there, there were a lot of group activities with the company who sent us. We went to most of them, but kept to ourselves most of the time. I liked the fact that he just wanted to be with me, and not have my few days with him shared with people I don't know. That doesn't mean however, that I don't still believe one day he will realize the benefits of having "couple friends" to play with. It did make me realize that he could be in the other ditch and put me last. I also complain that he is so quiet and doesn't talk much. Another good quality after all, as the guys who talked the most drove me nuts! The self- important conversations that some men can have made me appreciate the humbleness in Tom. We also spent a couple of hours each day doing our own thing....which I like. I was reminded just how independent I am. I rather like to do what I want, when I want, how I want to. I appreciate that Tom gives me the space to do that. If I were married to someone who was always wanting to be together, or always hanging on me, I would go insane. What I used to interpret as him not "pursuing" me, is really him being considerate enough to give me my space and independence. Most importantly, I realized that we are good. We were able to go right back to "time alone" mode without the kids. I think I worried a little that the kids were what bound us together these last few years. However, there were times on the trip that I almost forgot we had kids as it felt just like our old vacations used to.....without the fighting!
So Girls, it may seem like a lackluster finale to you, but for me, it is perfect. My heart is pure. My emotions are stable. My love tank is full. Is the journey over? No! but at least now I am excited to be on it!
Philemon 7: For I have come to have much joy and comfort in your love (I could not have said that 7 weeks ago)
Love you all-
Jen
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