Unforgiveness Keeping you Awake?
Good Morning Girls! Last night right before bed Tom made me really angry. I mean reallllllly angry. The kind of angry that had me thinking all sorts of slamming thoughts and words to tear him down and put him in his place. And at the time, I would have said he deserved every last word I had. In the past I would have spewn my venom and purged myself from all thoughts and experienced temporary release and satisfaction. I would have enjoyed every last put down......for a moment. In the end, I learned the hard way, that this quick exchange of barbs leads to emotional distress on my part. So, I kept my mouth shut and opted for plan B.....the silent treatment. I went to sleep thinking I wouldn't mind if I never spoke to him again. "Just wait until he needs something.......he is going to have to crawl back into my good graces." (insert evil laugh)
Well, the Word does say not to let the sun go down on your anger, and I'll tell you why.......because God will simply wake you up in the middle of the night to deal with you!, that's why! So I woke up at 1am. At 1:30 I realized I was not going to be falling back to sleep. I heard Tom breathing deeply as if he were in the best dream state possible. "Jerk", I thought. "Figures how he can be the jerk and then turn around and sleep peacefully". I started thinking about his flaws, and the things he needed to work on. I took the mean thoughts I had prior to falling asleep and tried to think of ways I could say them.....in a more spiritual light......you know, throwing a little scripture his way. That only lasted a couple of minutes and I knew what the key was to falling back to sleep. I had to forgive Tom and cast down my negative thoughts towards him. Not Fair!
I lay in bed wrestling with my hearts desire to forgive, and my flesh's desire to be the one to humble Tom. In came the thoughts again of our current situation being his fault. He if didn't this....if he wouldn't that.....if he would just admit his mistakes. If he just wasn't so prideful......If he would just take it to the Lord.......blah blah blah blah blah........
I knew I had to forgive him. I had to forgive him because I have work to do. I have souls to save! I have bodies to heal! I have hearts to mend! I have prayed to the Lord to use me for his service and his work. I believe I am anointed (as are you) to do the good work He has planned for us! I cannot let the devil win by holding on to this anger and resentment! I will not have my prayers hindered because of a dumb argument with Tom.
So I started praying to God. i told him all the reasons I was mad at Tom. All the reasons God had to grab hold of his heart and shake him up. I pleaded on Toms behalf that any bad choices he made be forgiven. I even admitted my own faults, fears, and shortcomings (which didn't take as long of course). I asked God to help me forgive Tom, to really forgive him. I asked him to help me to be nice, and genuinely love and care for him....not just be civil and polite. I threw in a couple more reasons why I need Gods grace to do this....you know, because Tom is so stubborn and prideful at all!
After all of my ramblings, I really only felt the Lord respond with one thing. It was simply this "Why do you keep looking to Tom to fix this? This is bigger than you. This is bigger than him. Keep your eyes on me. I am the one who has it all worked out. I am the one you need to brings your cares and worries to. You will know when this is done, that it was my work, not because of anything Tom did or did not do." I lay there a moment thinking about what my heart was saying. I realized that every time I look at Toms actions as bringing us closer to, or farther away from our problems, I am taking my eyes off of the work God is doing in our lives. I forget about all the ways we have been blessed beyond measure over the last couple of years. I forget that just moments earlier I was peaceful and content (and this case sleeping). I forget that God has a call on my life, and he is not going to forget about me and my family. I forget the very things that I need to keep front and center in my heart and mind at all times.
So yeah, I was up from 1-3am dealing with this. But guess what! I am awake and ready to party! I cannot wait to see all you Homemakers for our final party of the year. I am going to slip in to my little black dress and head to Tiffany's to feel like a princess. Thank you Jesus for dealing with my heart and saving me from myself.....again! It is awesome to have confidence that all of my prayers will be heard today, as I am harboring no anger or unforgiveness. So, hey, come to me if you need a little prayer.....I am feeling anointed!
Psalm 142:1-3 I cry out to the Lord; I plead for the Lord's mercy. I pour out my complaints before him and tell him all my troubles. When I am overwhelmed, you alone know the way I should turn.
Love you all-
Jen
Well, the Word does say not to let the sun go down on your anger, and I'll tell you why.......because God will simply wake you up in the middle of the night to deal with you!, that's why! So I woke up at 1am. At 1:30 I realized I was not going to be falling back to sleep. I heard Tom breathing deeply as if he were in the best dream state possible. "Jerk", I thought. "Figures how he can be the jerk and then turn around and sleep peacefully". I started thinking about his flaws, and the things he needed to work on. I took the mean thoughts I had prior to falling asleep and tried to think of ways I could say them.....in a more spiritual light......you know, throwing a little scripture his way. That only lasted a couple of minutes and I knew what the key was to falling back to sleep. I had to forgive Tom and cast down my negative thoughts towards him. Not Fair!
I lay in bed wrestling with my hearts desire to forgive, and my flesh's desire to be the one to humble Tom. In came the thoughts again of our current situation being his fault. He if didn't this....if he wouldn't that.....if he would just admit his mistakes. If he just wasn't so prideful......If he would just take it to the Lord.......blah blah blah blah blah........
I knew I had to forgive him. I had to forgive him because I have work to do. I have souls to save! I have bodies to heal! I have hearts to mend! I have prayed to the Lord to use me for his service and his work. I believe I am anointed (as are you) to do the good work He has planned for us! I cannot let the devil win by holding on to this anger and resentment! I will not have my prayers hindered because of a dumb argument with Tom.
So I started praying to God. i told him all the reasons I was mad at Tom. All the reasons God had to grab hold of his heart and shake him up. I pleaded on Toms behalf that any bad choices he made be forgiven. I even admitted my own faults, fears, and shortcomings (which didn't take as long of course). I asked God to help me forgive Tom, to really forgive him. I asked him to help me to be nice, and genuinely love and care for him....not just be civil and polite. I threw in a couple more reasons why I need Gods grace to do this....you know, because Tom is so stubborn and prideful at all!
After all of my ramblings, I really only felt the Lord respond with one thing. It was simply this "Why do you keep looking to Tom to fix this? This is bigger than you. This is bigger than him. Keep your eyes on me. I am the one who has it all worked out. I am the one you need to brings your cares and worries to. You will know when this is done, that it was my work, not because of anything Tom did or did not do." I lay there a moment thinking about what my heart was saying. I realized that every time I look at Toms actions as bringing us closer to, or farther away from our problems, I am taking my eyes off of the work God is doing in our lives. I forget about all the ways we have been blessed beyond measure over the last couple of years. I forget that just moments earlier I was peaceful and content (and this case sleeping). I forget that God has a call on my life, and he is not going to forget about me and my family. I forget the very things that I need to keep front and center in my heart and mind at all times.
So yeah, I was up from 1-3am dealing with this. But guess what! I am awake and ready to party! I cannot wait to see all you Homemakers for our final party of the year. I am going to slip in to my little black dress and head to Tiffany's to feel like a princess. Thank you Jesus for dealing with my heart and saving me from myself.....again! It is awesome to have confidence that all of my prayers will be heard today, as I am harboring no anger or unforgiveness. So, hey, come to me if you need a little prayer.....I am feeling anointed!
Psalm 142:1-3 I cry out to the Lord; I plead for the Lord's mercy. I pour out my complaints before him and tell him all my troubles. When I am overwhelmed, you alone know the way I should turn.
Love you all-
Jen
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