Make It Go Away!!!!!
Good Morning Girls! We are not done with our buddy Felix yet. The Lord showed me more about Felix and his convictions and how in many ways, I am no different then him! At first Felix was convicted and interested in learning more about Jesus. Then fear got the best of him and he sent Paul away until it was more "convenient". However, that is not the end of the story. Here's what comes next:
Acts 24:26 He also hoped that Paul would bribe him, so he sent for him quite often and talked with him
Okay Girls, I hope you can all bear with me as I share with you my interpretation of this. Again I will say I do not know the Greek or Hebrew of anything. I simply know what I believe the Holy Spirit revealed to me while I was reading and meditating on this. Here is what I see going on here.......
Felix is still interested in what Paul has to say so he meets with him quite often. However, at the same time, he can't accept and receive that the words Paul speaks are true and extend to him and his sins. He wants Paul to "disappear" so he doesn't have to think about it anymore. Just having Paul in custody causes Felix to have that nagging feeling that there is something more. The very thought of Paul brings up a certain "what if he's right?" feeling. He wants the "what if's" to go away. He thinks that by getting rid of Paul, he will get rid of the "what ifs". However, he must believe a little in Paul or he would have had him killed. That is what the Jewish leaders wanted. It was in his authority to do it. Yet he kept going back to him, hoping he could make him go away by accepting a bribe.
Looking back on my life I can relate to the position Felix is in. There have been times when I felt convicted to do something, but the fear entered in and swallowed me up. I was afraid of failing. Afraid of what others would think. Afraid of believing something only to end up broken hearted. I would avoid the people and things that stirred up these convictions. I would try to make them disappear. I would hide. However, from time to time someone or something would touch me and that feeling of "what if" would return. "What if I can do it?". "What if this is meant for me?". "What if I succeed.....where will that lead?"
It is not a good feeling. It is a sharp pain in my heart when I find myself trying to hide from the conviction I have. Hoping God will "bribe me" and give me a different assignment. Hoping the feeling will just go away. Hoping one day that little flicker of light will just burn out completely, instead of giving off just enough heat to burn in a small part of my heart.
Well Girls, I have learned the hard way that when faced with a conviction I am afraid of, for whatever reason, it is best to just deal with it. It does not go away. It gets worse. The longer I wait, the harder it is. Let's take a final look at what Felix did.....
Acts 24:27 After two years went by in this way, Felix was succeeded by Portus Festus. And because Felix wanted to gain favor with the Jewish people, he left Paul in prison.
For two years Felix wrestled with this conviction until finally he was able to walk away from it. He no longer had to see Paul and be reminded of what Paul what. Sounds great huh? Just wait it out and eventually you will be able to walk away from it...... but look at the big picture. Sure, Felix was able to walk away from it, but look at what he walked away from. He walked away from Jesus. He walked away from a life of grace and forgiveness. A life of peace and joy. A life that will continue in eternity.
Now you may be thinking "but Jen, I am a Christian, I have not walked away from my salvation. I am going to heaven." And your right. Not following a conviction other than the salvation call will not cause you to lose your salvation. But I will argue this point: When you are hiding from a conviction, you are missing out on a close relationship with the Lord. It will affect your faith in many other areas. It will hinder your prayers. Not because God is saying "I will not hear your prayer until you do such and such" but because you will not feel you have the right to go boldly before the throne and ask for anything when you have this "thing" hanging over you. You will lack the faith for your healing because you don't "deserve it" since you have not done that "thing" God asked you to do. You will not share the love of Jesus with others, because you yourself will not feel worthy of it.
Basically, not following your convictions opens the door for the devil. He will once again do what he did to Felix in the beginning. He will steal your conviction and replace it with condemnation. He will spread the condemnation into all areas of your life. He will place a wedge between you and the Lord.
Girls, don't let two years go by as you wrestle with the things God has placed in your heart. Think about what we have learned over the last two years at HomeMakers. God would not have had Renee take a whole year to assure us that we have what it takes to finish, if we didn't in fact, have what it takes to finish! Now some of you need to pick yourself up once and for all, and get started! You can do it!
Say good bye to Felix. We are moving on..........
2 Corinthians 8:10-11 Jen Gilbert Translation: So here's what I think: The best thing you can do right now is to finish what you started (or at least finally get started) on the convictions you had last year. Your hearts been in the right place all along. You've got what it takes to finish it up (which means you've got what it takes to start it up), so go to it. Once the conviction is clear, you do what you can, not what you can't!
Love you all-
jen
ps Angel and I are running 8 miles today at 4pm. feel free to pray for us at 4:15.....that's about the time I wish I were doing something else!
Acts 24:26 He also hoped that Paul would bribe him, so he sent for him quite often and talked with him
Okay Girls, I hope you can all bear with me as I share with you my interpretation of this. Again I will say I do not know the Greek or Hebrew of anything. I simply know what I believe the Holy Spirit revealed to me while I was reading and meditating on this. Here is what I see going on here.......
Felix is still interested in what Paul has to say so he meets with him quite often. However, at the same time, he can't accept and receive that the words Paul speaks are true and extend to him and his sins. He wants Paul to "disappear" so he doesn't have to think about it anymore. Just having Paul in custody causes Felix to have that nagging feeling that there is something more. The very thought of Paul brings up a certain "what if he's right?" feeling. He wants the "what if's" to go away. He thinks that by getting rid of Paul, he will get rid of the "what ifs". However, he must believe a little in Paul or he would have had him killed. That is what the Jewish leaders wanted. It was in his authority to do it. Yet he kept going back to him, hoping he could make him go away by accepting a bribe.
Looking back on my life I can relate to the position Felix is in. There have been times when I felt convicted to do something, but the fear entered in and swallowed me up. I was afraid of failing. Afraid of what others would think. Afraid of believing something only to end up broken hearted. I would avoid the people and things that stirred up these convictions. I would try to make them disappear. I would hide. However, from time to time someone or something would touch me and that feeling of "what if" would return. "What if I can do it?". "What if this is meant for me?". "What if I succeed.....where will that lead?"
It is not a good feeling. It is a sharp pain in my heart when I find myself trying to hide from the conviction I have. Hoping God will "bribe me" and give me a different assignment. Hoping the feeling will just go away. Hoping one day that little flicker of light will just burn out completely, instead of giving off just enough heat to burn in a small part of my heart.
Well Girls, I have learned the hard way that when faced with a conviction I am afraid of, for whatever reason, it is best to just deal with it. It does not go away. It gets worse. The longer I wait, the harder it is. Let's take a final look at what Felix did.....
Acts 24:27 After two years went by in this way, Felix was succeeded by Portus Festus. And because Felix wanted to gain favor with the Jewish people, he left Paul in prison.
For two years Felix wrestled with this conviction until finally he was able to walk away from it. He no longer had to see Paul and be reminded of what Paul what. Sounds great huh? Just wait it out and eventually you will be able to walk away from it...... but look at the big picture. Sure, Felix was able to walk away from it, but look at what he walked away from. He walked away from Jesus. He walked away from a life of grace and forgiveness. A life of peace and joy. A life that will continue in eternity.
Now you may be thinking "but Jen, I am a Christian, I have not walked away from my salvation. I am going to heaven." And your right. Not following a conviction other than the salvation call will not cause you to lose your salvation. But I will argue this point: When you are hiding from a conviction, you are missing out on a close relationship with the Lord. It will affect your faith in many other areas. It will hinder your prayers. Not because God is saying "I will not hear your prayer until you do such and such" but because you will not feel you have the right to go boldly before the throne and ask for anything when you have this "thing" hanging over you. You will lack the faith for your healing because you don't "deserve it" since you have not done that "thing" God asked you to do. You will not share the love of Jesus with others, because you yourself will not feel worthy of it.
Basically, not following your convictions opens the door for the devil. He will once again do what he did to Felix in the beginning. He will steal your conviction and replace it with condemnation. He will spread the condemnation into all areas of your life. He will place a wedge between you and the Lord.
Girls, don't let two years go by as you wrestle with the things God has placed in your heart. Think about what we have learned over the last two years at HomeMakers. God would not have had Renee take a whole year to assure us that we have what it takes to finish, if we didn't in fact, have what it takes to finish! Now some of you need to pick yourself up once and for all, and get started! You can do it!
Say good bye to Felix. We are moving on..........
2 Corinthians 8:10-11 Jen Gilbert Translation: So here's what I think: The best thing you can do right now is to finish what you started (or at least finally get started) on the convictions you had last year. Your hearts been in the right place all along. You've got what it takes to finish it up (which means you've got what it takes to start it up), so go to it. Once the conviction is clear, you do what you can, not what you can't!
Love you all-
jen
ps Angel and I are running 8 miles today at 4pm. feel free to pray for us at 4:15.....that's about the time I wish I were doing something else!
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