And the Distraction Is.......
Good Morning Girls! Yesterday I told you I was going to pray and identify the distraction(s) in my life that are stealing my enthusiasm. I figured the best way to do that was to go for a run. It seems like I hear from the Lord best when I am by myself and praying for His wisdom and guidance while running. I had some new awesome Christian music (thanks Julie), and a new course mapped out. I was ready to go!
Unfortunately, my body was not. I started out strong and within 20 minutes I had to start walking. I knew I wasn't supposed to run yesterday. It was supposed to be a rest day. However, it was beautiful out, and it was the last day that both of my kids were going to be in school. I had to take advantage of the situation. I figured I would be fine.
But I wasn't. I had to walk which pretty much put me over the edge. I haven't had to walk since I started training. Add to that the fact that I made two loaves of banana bread in the morning (my signature awesome bread) and it turned out like crap. I know it should not have bothered me, but it did. I have never had my bread turn out bad. Between the crap-o bread and my body giving out, I was left feeling even more like a loser. I was ticked off. I was frustrated. I needed answers!
"What's wrong with me Lord!!!!". I practically screamed it on the trail. "What am I doing wrong? Why can't I even do the normal things anymore?" I was desperate for answers. My mind started racing for them, in an attempt to help expedite the Holy Spirit. I started throwing out suggestions, waiting for the Lord to say "that's it....you've got it!" "Should I go on another sugar fast? Should I quit watching tv (yeah, because the 2 hours I watch a week are really sucking my time away!)". "Should I train more? Train less? What program should I go on after this race on Sunday? Should I run a half marathon this summer? Should I quit writing my blog for a while? Should I stop serving in Little Church for the summer? Do I need vitamin D? Should I get a massage?" Seriously Girls I was out of control trying to figure out my distraction(s). I played the song Revelation by Third Day over and over again begging the Lord to give me some revelation into what was distracting me and stealing my enthusiasm. I'm sure the angels in heaven were shaking their heads going "wow, we've got a live one here! Look at her down there, getting all worked up. When do you think she will get it?"
And then I got it! I figured out my distraction. I'm sure many of you could see it before I did. My distraction was......drum roll please......ME! I keep stumbling over myself. Once again caught up in perfection. I AM STEALING MY OWN Enthusiasm!!!!
I kept feeling tired which led me to believe there was something wrong with me. I needed more or less of something. I kept getting inside my head trying to figure it out. Finally the Lord spoke "It's okay if you are tired......look at what you've been doing. You are not doing anything wrong. You are simply doing a lot. IT IS OKAY TO FEEL TIRED. JUST LEAVE IT AT THAT!"
"It's okay to feel tired? I am not in "disobedience to anything?". How's that? (lovely religious thinking I know). Then I stepped back and looked at my life. I am running 15-20 miles a week (I used to run 3). I am preparing for a garage sale. I am juggling schedules more than ever because of the end of the year stuff that occurs. I am doing these extra things on top of my normal routine. Yeah, I see why I am tired......AND IT'S OKAY!
So this morning when I woke up and didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't start to worry that something was wrong with me. I didn't start to wonder if I was depressed, backslidden, or full of anger. I simply thought "wow, I am stiff. I am going to lay here a moment and enjoy the feeling of the covers before I start my day." And that's what I did. The thing is, nothing in my life has changed. My situation, my to do list are exactly the same. However, now I have permission. Permission to feel tired without feeling condemned. Funny how something so simple can change your life.
As I said, my situation and to do list have not changed. So what do I do about the tiredness? Realistically it is not going to go away for a week or two. There is nothing I am able (okay willing) to give up right now. I fully intend on keeping up with my schedule. So I've got permission to be tired....now what? I'll tell you tomorrow...........
Matthew 11:28 then Jesus said, "come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens and I will give you rest (from your own mind)"
Love you all-
Jen
Unfortunately, my body was not. I started out strong and within 20 minutes I had to start walking. I knew I wasn't supposed to run yesterday. It was supposed to be a rest day. However, it was beautiful out, and it was the last day that both of my kids were going to be in school. I had to take advantage of the situation. I figured I would be fine.
But I wasn't. I had to walk which pretty much put me over the edge. I haven't had to walk since I started training. Add to that the fact that I made two loaves of banana bread in the morning (my signature awesome bread) and it turned out like crap. I know it should not have bothered me, but it did. I have never had my bread turn out bad. Between the crap-o bread and my body giving out, I was left feeling even more like a loser. I was ticked off. I was frustrated. I needed answers!
"What's wrong with me Lord!!!!". I practically screamed it on the trail. "What am I doing wrong? Why can't I even do the normal things anymore?" I was desperate for answers. My mind started racing for them, in an attempt to help expedite the Holy Spirit. I started throwing out suggestions, waiting for the Lord to say "that's it....you've got it!" "Should I go on another sugar fast? Should I quit watching tv (yeah, because the 2 hours I watch a week are really sucking my time away!)". "Should I train more? Train less? What program should I go on after this race on Sunday? Should I run a half marathon this summer? Should I quit writing my blog for a while? Should I stop serving in Little Church for the summer? Do I need vitamin D? Should I get a massage?" Seriously Girls I was out of control trying to figure out my distraction(s). I played the song Revelation by Third Day over and over again begging the Lord to give me some revelation into what was distracting me and stealing my enthusiasm. I'm sure the angels in heaven were shaking their heads going "wow, we've got a live one here! Look at her down there, getting all worked up. When do you think she will get it?"
And then I got it! I figured out my distraction. I'm sure many of you could see it before I did. My distraction was......drum roll please......ME! I keep stumbling over myself. Once again caught up in perfection. I AM STEALING MY OWN Enthusiasm!!!!
I kept feeling tired which led me to believe there was something wrong with me. I needed more or less of something. I kept getting inside my head trying to figure it out. Finally the Lord spoke "It's okay if you are tired......look at what you've been doing. You are not doing anything wrong. You are simply doing a lot. IT IS OKAY TO FEEL TIRED. JUST LEAVE IT AT THAT!"
"It's okay to feel tired? I am not in "disobedience to anything?". How's that? (lovely religious thinking I know). Then I stepped back and looked at my life. I am running 15-20 miles a week (I used to run 3). I am preparing for a garage sale. I am juggling schedules more than ever because of the end of the year stuff that occurs. I am doing these extra things on top of my normal routine. Yeah, I see why I am tired......AND IT'S OKAY!
So this morning when I woke up and didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't start to worry that something was wrong with me. I didn't start to wonder if I was depressed, backslidden, or full of anger. I simply thought "wow, I am stiff. I am going to lay here a moment and enjoy the feeling of the covers before I start my day." And that's what I did. The thing is, nothing in my life has changed. My situation, my to do list are exactly the same. However, now I have permission. Permission to feel tired without feeling condemned. Funny how something so simple can change your life.
As I said, my situation and to do list have not changed. So what do I do about the tiredness? Realistically it is not going to go away for a week or two. There is nothing I am able (okay willing) to give up right now. I fully intend on keeping up with my schedule. So I've got permission to be tired....now what? I'll tell you tomorrow...........
Matthew 11:28 then Jesus said, "come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens and I will give you rest (from your own mind)"
Love you all-
Jen
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