Good Morning Girls!  If you were around me this summer chances are you would have heard me say one of the following: "I want", I think", "I feel".  For example:  "I want some coffee.  I want some ice cream.  I want to go here.  I want to do this."  Or, "I think we shouldn't have done that and we'd be fine.  I think this is the answer.  I think maybe we should do this."  And finally,  "I just feel so frustrated.  I feel so burnt out.  I feel like I can't take it anymore.  I feel lost."
Can you see the problem in this?  First of all, every statement starts with "I".  I want.  I think.  I feel.  The devil had a blast keeping my eyes on myself and my problems.  In fact, I don't even think he had to do much work.  He just probably invited me to one pity party and just like the old days, I was the first to RSVP and the last to leave.  Yep.  I partied my hiney off this summer.  Too bad there were only 3 people at it: me, myself, and I.  Occasionally the devil would pop in to assure me that the good snacks were coming out soon, just to make sure I wasn't thinking of leaving or anything.  But mostly it was just me and my misery.
Now again, if the image that comes to mind is me sitting alone eating bon bons crying, that is not how my pity parties played out.  No.  I did all the same things I would any other summer.  I hung out with friends.  I went to the cabins.  I spent as much time as I could outside.  I did all the same things- I simply did them without peace and joy.  Everything seemed like a lot of work.  I looked forward to bedtime more than boat time.  I laid in bed in the morning thinking "I might as well lay here a little longer- there is no reason to hop out of bed."  I'm sure all of hell enjoyed sleeping in this summer.  I really hoped they enjoyed it because they will need their rest to catch up with me now!
I want.  I think.  I feel.  Joyce Meyer refers to this as Wilderness Living (that teaching is part of what snapped me out of it.....I will share the other things later).  The Israelites wandered in the Wilderness for 40 years on a trip that was only 11 days long!  Out of the millions who left, only 2 made it into the Promised Land.  Sure, they were still saved.  They were delivered out of Egypt.  But they never got to experience the "good life" here on earth.  Can you imagine going through all the crap, and dying right before you get to the Promised Land?  No thanks! 
So what did "I want.  I think.  I feel" get me?  Well for starters it got me back on caffeine and sugar and 6 pounds heavier.  That's irritating.  I hate losing the same weight twice!  It's such a waste of time.  I am also not looking forward to the "getting off of coffee" process.  Been there.  Done that.  It is slightly painful.  Besides, I don't care what anyone says, tea and coffee are not the same!  I tried to embrace tea, but I am a coffee girl (is that a negative confession?).  Anyway, I haven't fully committed to the coffee detox yet, I'm sure the Lord will make it clear to me when it's got to go.  Right now I am working on the sugar, high fructose corn syrup and anything hydrogenated.  (it's harder than you think)
So you may be asking yourself  "what is wrong with a little ice cream and a cup of coffee"?  Absolutely nothing.  Unless you are seeking them out to fill a void.  Unless you turn to them for comfort.  Unless you experience negative side effects and continue to use them.  Unless the consumption of them is a form of rebellion.  I know it sounds ridiculous but seriously, I consciously decided to go back on coffee.  My rationale was "what's the point.  I followed the "rules" I was given, but I am still experiencing frustration and pain, so I may as well do what feels good until this mess is taken care of!". (yeah, somehow I equated me giving up coffee as the answer to all my problems.....can you say "Religious Attitude")
Oh for those of you who have not one addictive gene in your body, I know you think I am a nut.  But trust me when I say it only takes one act of rebellion to turn a pity party into an all out toga themed, frat house style shindig!  There is just no turning back.  Actually, there is, or I guess you wouldn't be reading this........

More on the turning back part tomorrow.

Proverbs 26:11  As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his foolishness.
(I know this verse is disgusting, but I like it.  It simply says it like it is- no sugar coating....or should I say Stevia coating)

Love you all-

Jen