Good Morning Girls!  You have been so patient with this long drawn out rabbit trailed story.  I promise it is all leading somewhere.  It's just hard when I only have an hour or so of writing time each day.......



I said earlier that the "Girls" started out as the Girls in my small group at HomeMakers.  This was a safe group for me.  Then one day I received a comment from a Girl named Diana.  She had "stumbled" on my blog while I was writing about the favor of God.  She had heard someone say something about God's favor, and she didn't understand what she heard.  She wanted to know more.  She googled "developing favor with God", and my blog came up.....right below Joel Osteen!
We began a written dialog on God's favor.  She was hungry to know more.  She kept asking questions, and I kept answering her the best I could.  Another one of my Girls saw the dialog and entered the conversation.  It was all very exciting for me.  I just went back and read it all over again.  First I read the questions Diana asked me.  Then I read my responses.  They were good......proof that they were answers from the Holy Spirit.....and not me!  It was so amazing to be used in such a way.  To help someone else realize what being a child of the Most High God really means.  To help someone understand that it is okay to ask God for special favors, and expect to receive them!  Whether it's a good parking spot , or a favorable court decision, it is our privilege to ask God for His hand of favor to be on us.  And He delights in doing so!  I referred her to Joel Osteen's books, because I had learned a lot about God's favor from watching him and reading his books.  She said she had read them, but it still seemed confusing.  I was able to break it down even more and help her apply it to her own life.   She finally experienced and understood this exciting Truth, and it changed her life.   I just now googled "favor with God" and my blog was nowhere to be found.  Proof that the Lord orchestrated this Divine appointment for Diana over a year ago.  As my friend once said to me "Girrrrrllll, what the Lord won't do for one person!".
The realization that Girls outside my circle were in fact stumbling upon my words was both exciting and frightening.  I mean, my Girls knew my heart.  They knew my sometimes off sense of humor.  Even if I worded something incorrectly, they knew what I meant.  But now, any random person could read what was in my heart, and critique it.  Judge it.  Disagree with it.  It added a new level of fear, anxiety, and anticipation, every time I hit the publish button.  I kept on doing it though because the anticipation and excitement of helping someone develop a stronger relationship with the Lord outweighed any personal rejection I may experience.
That is really the key for all of us Girls who want to be used by God.  We have to get to that place where we die to ourselves because the big picture is....well bigger.  It's not always easy.  It's not always fun.  But it is always exciting.  It will always be worth it.  I tell my Girls often: "The Lord will never embarrass you as much as you have embarrassed yourself."  Stop for a moment and think of your most embarrassing moments........were any of them Holy Spirit inspired?  Chances are, there were not. 
By the end of the year, I had been asked by the head of the Children's Ministry, and the head of HomeMakers, if they could recommend my blog to each of their groups.  These were again huge opportunities for me to die to self.   Now, people that I didn't know, but they knew me, would be reading and judging my words (funny how they are my words when I am afraid, but God's words when I am confident).  I would walk down the church halls sometimes and see a fellow HomeMaker or Little Church worker and think "Are you reading my blog?  If you are, what do you think?   Why aren't you saying anything?  Don't you know you are creating this awkwardness between us?(no, they didn't know, because the only one with awkwardness was me).
 I am not sharing this with you so you think "wow Jen, that is great that you worked through all of those feelings and kept on writing".  Though the story is about me, the lessons are not.  I am sharing this with you so you can understand that just because the Lord puts something in your heart, it does not mean it will be easy.  Chances are you will have to do some of the very things you never thought possible.  You will face your biggest fears head on.  You will put yourself in position for criticism.  You will have to let your guard down.  You will have to lose the walls, masks, and other things you hide behind.  I will say it again, you have to die to yourself.
Now don't get freaked out and think "If that's the case, count me out.  I can't do it!".  Because here is the cool part.  Even though you will have to do the very things that you thought impossible, you will learn each day that they are!  It is so awesome to realize that when you hear people say "God will give you the grace to do what He asks you to", they are not just speaking Christianese.  It is actually real!  God's grace is always there to get you through all that He asks of you.  I don't how to explain it.  It's like you are doing something, and even though it is extremely difficult,  you feel compelled to continue, even though you are slightly uncomfortable the whole time.  If you try to walk away, your heart just keeps pulling you back.  To walk away feels like you are walking away from the Lord himself.  It feels more natural to be uncomfortable under God's grace, than it does to feel comfortable outside of it.  It truly is awesome.  I highly recommend it!