The Foothold.....
Hey Girls! I believe that as long as we are here on earth, stuck in these sinfully wretched bodies, we are going to make a lot of fleshly decisions. There are many times when I act or react not as I know the Word says I should; but instead by what either feels the best, or other times by what hurts the least.
Take for example this little argument Tom and I had last week. I knew in my heart, I should not go to bed angry. I knew I should suck it up and initiate the apology. I knew full well the Word says not to go to bed angry because anger gives a foothold to the devil. I knew all of these things, yet I chose to go to bed angry.
I chose to go to bed angry because that felt better than apologizing. It felt better to not talk at all than to say I am sorry, and risk the chance of being rejected. It felt better to ask the Lord for forgiveness than to ask Tom. It felt better to ignore the problem, than to deal with it. It felt better, so that is what I did. I did it all day, and all night. By the time I went to bed the next night, it wasn't feeling quite as good. The tension was mounting, and the crummy feeling in my gut was now spreading to my heart. However, I now felt committed to this whole silent treatment stand off. Surely if I were to break the silence and apologize, I would be not only rejected, but I would be blasted with another round of hurtful words. I would be criticized for the last 24 hours of the cold shoulder. I could not handle the thought of it. Even though I felt crummy, the pain of the silence was still less than the pain of the thought of more fighting and rejection.
As soon as Tom left for work, I knew I had blown it. I desperately wanted to make things right. However, this was not one of those "call him on the phone and apologize" moments. No, it was bigger than that. I needed to look him in the eyes and apologize....no matter how much it hurt. I shook it off, planning to deal with it when I got home that evening. I would see him in 12 hours. We have already been at this thing for 36, so whats 12 more?
I headed to the gym, and that is where it started. I got irritated with the lady in front of me at the child care- she was new and it was taking her forever. I went upstairs to go to a class and became irritated when I realized I was 15 minutes early. I could have done some cardio but I felt too crabby to. My dad was there and started joking about Tiger Woods. I felt myself getting a little self righteous. "No dad, I did not open up the e-mail you sent me. I told you, I can't open up junk mail" I said in a crabby voice. Then I desperately did not want to be there. However, if I were to leave my dad would tease me, and I would most likely put him next on my silent treatment list.
I got crabby at the class that was going on before ours. They were running late and I thought it was very rude of that instructor to take advantage of my time like that. I saw our instructor and debated going up to her and saying "I can't believe they are going over the time and causing YOUR class to be late. That seems so disrespectful". I totally felt the instigator in me rising up. The Holy Spirit was definitely protecting me from myself, and I didn't say anything. I realized how worked up I was, and how stressed out I was feeling. That made me even more crabby because I know that stress causes that hormone cortisol to be released and when your body has too much of it, it causes the belly fat....and I already have enough of that. I stood there visualizing the hormone raging through my body and heading for my waistline. I could feel myself getting fatter. I felt completely insane as I stood there waiting for class, trying to look normal. I felt the Holy Spirit say "looks like the devil found his foothold".
Aaaargh! He did, didn't he! It says in Ephesians 4:26 Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. Well, I knew this. But I had become a little spiritually cocky if you will. When I went to bed angry two nights earlier, this verse had run through my mind. It ran through my mind and this was my response: "Yeah, but the devil gets his foothold by making us feel like we can't go before the Lord in prayer and ask for grace and favor. I know that this is not true. Even when we are in disobedience God still loves us and cares for us. He knows I will make this right. He knows I just need a little time to work through this." "I will be fine. I will not fall for the devil's lies." This obviously was not working out well for me. I realized I had made a serious error. "I am sorry Lord, for taking advantage of your Word". "Please forgive me for that, and for letting this argument go on for 2 days". "Please help me to make it right."
I would like to say that at that point I felt better. I would like to say it, but I can't, because I didn't. The pain of the fight, and of taking God's grace for granted, outweighed the pain of being the one to apologize first. The devil had won this battle, and I was more mad at myself than at him. I was mad at myself because the Holy Spirit had tried to warn me, but I told him not to worry about me, 'cuz I was well aware of the devil's devices. So aware, that now I am made at half of the YMCA just for being there!
I grumbled as I set up my equipment. I got mad at the girl who set up right in front of me so I couldn't see in the mirror (I've got to check out my form you know). I grumbled at the music that the instructor played. I grumbled that she wasted my time with calf raises. I grumbled that she did too many lunges on one leg and all that does is give me a cramp....it doesn't get rid of the fat you know. I grumbled that she took too long in between songs. I grumbled that my shoulder was hurting. I basically grumbled under my breath the entire 55 minutes. I was pretty sure I had a crappy workout and the cortisol was still charging my belly so I grumbled all the way to the locker room.
I knew I had to make things right. I got dressed and headed out. I called Tom, and despite his less than thrilled to hear from me voice, I asked him if I could bring him anything- like lunch or a coffee treat or something. "I have a sandwich" he responded (which I knew because I packed it for him). "How about something to drink", I tried. "Sure, whatever" he said. Now, I didn't like the way this was going so much, but like I said earlier, apologizing now seemed like the less painful route to go.
I decided on treating him to a mocha because I know he loves them and never buys them. I also had to get myself a small latte because I am still working on my jealousy and greediness and could not stand the thought of him getting a coffee treat and not me (oh dear Lord, and I a pathetic mess or what?). Great. This stupid argument is getting expensive. It has cost me my time, my joy, my peace, some extra belly fat, and now $7.12, which was supposed to go towards Christmas presents! I can't believe this! Stupid devil.
I went to the office, gave Tom his mocha and told him it was a small peace offering. I told him I was sorry for the last couple of days. He gave me a hug and said "me to." and it was over, just like that. Are you kidding me?! All this drama and it was done in 5 seconds? It could have been done in 5 seconds 48 hours ago!? "Lord, I am an idiot!" I thought to myself as I looked at Tom sipping on his mocha. We said good bye and I was on my way. The drama had come to an end......just like that. All I had to do was set aside my pride and my peace was fully restored. I told the devil, you got me this time, but never again. I will have the last laugh!
So Girls, next time you are lying in bed, chewing on the anger you have towards your hubby, please think of me. Think of my temporary insanity, my turmoil, my belly fat, and my $7.12. Then roll over and tell the big goof that you are sorry and you love him. I promise, it will be less painful than the devil will have you believe!
Ephesians 4:26 Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.
Love you all-
Jen
Take for example this little argument Tom and I had last week. I knew in my heart, I should not go to bed angry. I knew I should suck it up and initiate the apology. I knew full well the Word says not to go to bed angry because anger gives a foothold to the devil. I knew all of these things, yet I chose to go to bed angry.
I chose to go to bed angry because that felt better than apologizing. It felt better to not talk at all than to say I am sorry, and risk the chance of being rejected. It felt better to ask the Lord for forgiveness than to ask Tom. It felt better to ignore the problem, than to deal with it. It felt better, so that is what I did. I did it all day, and all night. By the time I went to bed the next night, it wasn't feeling quite as good. The tension was mounting, and the crummy feeling in my gut was now spreading to my heart. However, I now felt committed to this whole silent treatment stand off. Surely if I were to break the silence and apologize, I would be not only rejected, but I would be blasted with another round of hurtful words. I would be criticized for the last 24 hours of the cold shoulder. I could not handle the thought of it. Even though I felt crummy, the pain of the silence was still less than the pain of the thought of more fighting and rejection.
As soon as Tom left for work, I knew I had blown it. I desperately wanted to make things right. However, this was not one of those "call him on the phone and apologize" moments. No, it was bigger than that. I needed to look him in the eyes and apologize....no matter how much it hurt. I shook it off, planning to deal with it when I got home that evening. I would see him in 12 hours. We have already been at this thing for 36, so whats 12 more?
I headed to the gym, and that is where it started. I got irritated with the lady in front of me at the child care- she was new and it was taking her forever. I went upstairs to go to a class and became irritated when I realized I was 15 minutes early. I could have done some cardio but I felt too crabby to. My dad was there and started joking about Tiger Woods. I felt myself getting a little self righteous. "No dad, I did not open up the e-mail you sent me. I told you, I can't open up junk mail" I said in a crabby voice. Then I desperately did not want to be there. However, if I were to leave my dad would tease me, and I would most likely put him next on my silent treatment list.
I got crabby at the class that was going on before ours. They were running late and I thought it was very rude of that instructor to take advantage of my time like that. I saw our instructor and debated going up to her and saying "I can't believe they are going over the time and causing YOUR class to be late. That seems so disrespectful". I totally felt the instigator in me rising up. The Holy Spirit was definitely protecting me from myself, and I didn't say anything. I realized how worked up I was, and how stressed out I was feeling. That made me even more crabby because I know that stress causes that hormone cortisol to be released and when your body has too much of it, it causes the belly fat....and I already have enough of that. I stood there visualizing the hormone raging through my body and heading for my waistline. I could feel myself getting fatter. I felt completely insane as I stood there waiting for class, trying to look normal. I felt the Holy Spirit say "looks like the devil found his foothold".
Aaaargh! He did, didn't he! It says in Ephesians 4:26 Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. Well, I knew this. But I had become a little spiritually cocky if you will. When I went to bed angry two nights earlier, this verse had run through my mind. It ran through my mind and this was my response: "Yeah, but the devil gets his foothold by making us feel like we can't go before the Lord in prayer and ask for grace and favor. I know that this is not true. Even when we are in disobedience God still loves us and cares for us. He knows I will make this right. He knows I just need a little time to work through this." "I will be fine. I will not fall for the devil's lies." This obviously was not working out well for me. I realized I had made a serious error. "I am sorry Lord, for taking advantage of your Word". "Please forgive me for that, and for letting this argument go on for 2 days". "Please help me to make it right."
I would like to say that at that point I felt better. I would like to say it, but I can't, because I didn't. The pain of the fight, and of taking God's grace for granted, outweighed the pain of being the one to apologize first. The devil had won this battle, and I was more mad at myself than at him. I was mad at myself because the Holy Spirit had tried to warn me, but I told him not to worry about me, 'cuz I was well aware of the devil's devices. So aware, that now I am made at half of the YMCA just for being there!
I grumbled as I set up my equipment. I got mad at the girl who set up right in front of me so I couldn't see in the mirror (I've got to check out my form you know). I grumbled at the music that the instructor played. I grumbled that she wasted my time with calf raises. I grumbled that she did too many lunges on one leg and all that does is give me a cramp....it doesn't get rid of the fat you know. I grumbled that she took too long in between songs. I grumbled that my shoulder was hurting. I basically grumbled under my breath the entire 55 minutes. I was pretty sure I had a crappy workout and the cortisol was still charging my belly so I grumbled all the way to the locker room.
I knew I had to make things right. I got dressed and headed out. I called Tom, and despite his less than thrilled to hear from me voice, I asked him if I could bring him anything- like lunch or a coffee treat or something. "I have a sandwich" he responded (which I knew because I packed it for him). "How about something to drink", I tried. "Sure, whatever" he said. Now, I didn't like the way this was going so much, but like I said earlier, apologizing now seemed like the less painful route to go.
I decided on treating him to a mocha because I know he loves them and never buys them. I also had to get myself a small latte because I am still working on my jealousy and greediness and could not stand the thought of him getting a coffee treat and not me (oh dear Lord, and I a pathetic mess or what?). Great. This stupid argument is getting expensive. It has cost me my time, my joy, my peace, some extra belly fat, and now $7.12, which was supposed to go towards Christmas presents! I can't believe this! Stupid devil.
I went to the office, gave Tom his mocha and told him it was a small peace offering. I told him I was sorry for the last couple of days. He gave me a hug and said "me to." and it was over, just like that. Are you kidding me?! All this drama and it was done in 5 seconds? It could have been done in 5 seconds 48 hours ago!? "Lord, I am an idiot!" I thought to myself as I looked at Tom sipping on his mocha. We said good bye and I was on my way. The drama had come to an end......just like that. All I had to do was set aside my pride and my peace was fully restored. I told the devil, you got me this time, but never again. I will have the last laugh!
So Girls, next time you are lying in bed, chewing on the anger you have towards your hubby, please think of me. Think of my temporary insanity, my turmoil, my belly fat, and my $7.12. Then roll over and tell the big goof that you are sorry and you love him. I promise, it will be less painful than the devil will have you believe!
Ephesians 4:26 Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.
Love you all-
Jen
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