Stupid Roast
Good Morning Girls! It was a month ago last Monday since my dad went home to the Lord. I have been feeling really good the last couple of weeks; mentally, physically, and emotionally. I have felt a million miles away from the pit. I am able to talk about my dad again without crying. I have not felt any anger, doubt, or frustration. I have thought of many sweet memories of times with my dad, and they get me choked up for a moment, but I am able to smile and move forward. I was really starting to feel like my new "normal" was settling in........
And then my mom calls. I have been wondering how she is doing. She is one tough Girl I tell you. She has shed a tear or two in front of us, but has never broken down. She has never said anything like "What am I going to do?" "I can't do this?" or even "This just isn't right!". She has carried herself like the queen of England, which really doesn't surprise me. As I said already, she is one tough Girl. She has also resumed pretty much all of her normal, regular activities. She goes to swim aerobics, silver sneakers, book club, card club, Bible study, and Christian Women's...... just to name a few. I assumed she must have moments when she is alone in the house, that she breaks down. It seems natural.....everywhere you look in that house is a memory of dad. How could it not overwhelm you at times?
Mom asked if Tom and I would like to come over on Sunday for dinner and then watch the football game. She is a big Vikings fan....even more than my dad was. She said she wasn't asking anyone else over because she knew how Tom preferred it when it was just my family. It's true. He always did. When my whole family gets together, we get a little obnoxious. If you ever wanted to see Tom, you just looked for my dad.....as they would always be off in a corner somewhere deep in conversation while the rest of us were off being loud. Tom liked having my dad all to himself. The thought of my family going over to mom's house and Tom sitting there, without my dad, was the first thing that came to mind. My heart went out for Tom, as I think it may be a difficult moment for him.
I told my mom I would call her Saturday and we could talk about the food. I said I would bring a game time appetizer or something. Right away she said "I already know what I am making for dinner". I asked her what. She said a beef roast with potatoes and carrots. That didn't surprise me. She often made that for my family because she knows how much Tom loves it.....and how though I have tried a couple of times, mine never turns out as good as hers. "Sounds great" I said. Then she said "The week before "the thing with your dad" (that's how she refers to it still) he came home with this roast and said "I know how much Tom likes your roast and potatoes. We haven't had them for dinner in a while. Maybe you could make this for them and they would be able to come over this week". By the time she was finished saying it, we were both crying. All I could say was "Stupid roast". We both just sat there on the phone a minute and I said "Poor Tom. You and I will be staring at the roast crying, and Tom will wonder what our problem is." We both said good bye, but it was with a much different feel than our hello had been.
All night all I could think of was the Stupid Roast. I tried to busy myself but whatever I was doing the "stupid roast" was in the back of my mind. I tried to do my confessions, but all that came out was "Stupid Roast". I looked over at my Bible...wanting to prepare for this morning's writing, but when I looked at it all I thought was "Stupid Roast". I went to bed exhausted, and then tears started running down my face, for the first time in weeks. The only thing running through my mind was the Stupid Roast. Ii imagines myself taking the roast and throwing it out the window. I imagined stabbing it with serving fork while my family stared at me as if I had gone insane. I imagined myself turning into a vegetarian because suddenly I hated all meat everywhere!
I tried to turn my attention on to this morning. "So Lord......what am I going to write about tomorrow? All I can think of is the stupid roast!". "Do you want me to write about a stupid roast?" "I can't say for sure, but I am willing to put myself out there and say there are probably not any scriptures on stupid roasts!" And then I felt it so strong in my heart: "Everyone has a stupid roast in their lives. You are not the only one crying yourself to sleep tonight."
I am sure many of you have a stupid roast that you are dealing with. Just when you think you are back up and ready to fight the good fight, a stupid roast comes along and knocks you off your feet again. Stupid roasts come in all shapes and sizes. They can be a unexpected bill, a huge fight with your spouse, a problem with your child, or a pan of brownies gone wild. The point is, we all have them. On those nights when tears run down your face as you try to fall asleep, and you feel you are all alone.....you are not. There are many other Girls fighting their own stupid roasts right alongside of you. Though your spouse may be sound asleep, unaware of your tears, God has record of each and every one.
I asked the Lord what verse I should use today. I can't explain it, but this is what I felt go off in my heart more than anything:
Tell them I love them...and to get back up!
For those of you who want something straight from the Word, here's todays verse.....but I am not kidding when I tell you that He loves you and He wants you to get back up!
Psalm 56:8 Message Translation You've kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights; Each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book
Love, thanks, and feistiness to you all-
Jen
And then my mom calls. I have been wondering how she is doing. She is one tough Girl I tell you. She has shed a tear or two in front of us, but has never broken down. She has never said anything like "What am I going to do?" "I can't do this?" or even "This just isn't right!". She has carried herself like the queen of England, which really doesn't surprise me. As I said already, she is one tough Girl. She has also resumed pretty much all of her normal, regular activities. She goes to swim aerobics, silver sneakers, book club, card club, Bible study, and Christian Women's...... just to name a few. I assumed she must have moments when she is alone in the house, that she breaks down. It seems natural.....everywhere you look in that house is a memory of dad. How could it not overwhelm you at times?
Mom asked if Tom and I would like to come over on Sunday for dinner and then watch the football game. She is a big Vikings fan....even more than my dad was. She said she wasn't asking anyone else over because she knew how Tom preferred it when it was just my family. It's true. He always did. When my whole family gets together, we get a little obnoxious. If you ever wanted to see Tom, you just looked for my dad.....as they would always be off in a corner somewhere deep in conversation while the rest of us were off being loud. Tom liked having my dad all to himself. The thought of my family going over to mom's house and Tom sitting there, without my dad, was the first thing that came to mind. My heart went out for Tom, as I think it may be a difficult moment for him.
I told my mom I would call her Saturday and we could talk about the food. I said I would bring a game time appetizer or something. Right away she said "I already know what I am making for dinner". I asked her what. She said a beef roast with potatoes and carrots. That didn't surprise me. She often made that for my family because she knows how much Tom loves it.....and how though I have tried a couple of times, mine never turns out as good as hers. "Sounds great" I said. Then she said "The week before "the thing with your dad" (that's how she refers to it still) he came home with this roast and said "I know how much Tom likes your roast and potatoes. We haven't had them for dinner in a while. Maybe you could make this for them and they would be able to come over this week". By the time she was finished saying it, we were both crying. All I could say was "Stupid roast". We both just sat there on the phone a minute and I said "Poor Tom. You and I will be staring at the roast crying, and Tom will wonder what our problem is." We both said good bye, but it was with a much different feel than our hello had been.
All night all I could think of was the Stupid Roast. I tried to busy myself but whatever I was doing the "stupid roast" was in the back of my mind. I tried to do my confessions, but all that came out was "Stupid Roast". I looked over at my Bible...wanting to prepare for this morning's writing, but when I looked at it all I thought was "Stupid Roast". I went to bed exhausted, and then tears started running down my face, for the first time in weeks. The only thing running through my mind was the Stupid Roast. Ii imagines myself taking the roast and throwing it out the window. I imagined stabbing it with serving fork while my family stared at me as if I had gone insane. I imagined myself turning into a vegetarian because suddenly I hated all meat everywhere!
I tried to turn my attention on to this morning. "So Lord......what am I going to write about tomorrow? All I can think of is the stupid roast!". "Do you want me to write about a stupid roast?" "I can't say for sure, but I am willing to put myself out there and say there are probably not any scriptures on stupid roasts!" And then I felt it so strong in my heart: "Everyone has a stupid roast in their lives. You are not the only one crying yourself to sleep tonight."
I am sure many of you have a stupid roast that you are dealing with. Just when you think you are back up and ready to fight the good fight, a stupid roast comes along and knocks you off your feet again. Stupid roasts come in all shapes and sizes. They can be a unexpected bill, a huge fight with your spouse, a problem with your child, or a pan of brownies gone wild. The point is, we all have them. On those nights when tears run down your face as you try to fall asleep, and you feel you are all alone.....you are not. There are many other Girls fighting their own stupid roasts right alongside of you. Though your spouse may be sound asleep, unaware of your tears, God has record of each and every one.
I asked the Lord what verse I should use today. I can't explain it, but this is what I felt go off in my heart more than anything:
Tell them I love them...and to get back up!
For those of you who want something straight from the Word, here's todays verse.....but I am not kidding when I tell you that He loves you and He wants you to get back up!
Psalm 56:8 Message Translation You've kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights; Each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book
Love, thanks, and feistiness to you all-
Jen
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