Good Morning Girls!  If I were a Bible character, I would most resemble Pharaoh these days.  However, instead of God saying "let my people gooooo" (I am singing that in my really low voice), He is saying "let the sugar gooooooo".  And just like Pharaoh, I agree wholeheartedly, will full intention of keeping my promise.  Then after a couple of days I start to panic and think of my life without sugar (just like Pharaoh thinking of life without his slaves) and I harden my heart and eat anything and everything that contains sugar.  I eat it until I am sick and disgusted with myself.  I eat it despite knowing that it is taking me away from my goals.  I eat it knowing full well I will have some negative consequences for my actions. 
Blessed I am that God doesn't wipe my out like he did Pharaoh!  He doesn't have to.  The consequences I face take care of any "punishment" I could receive from God.  I have run countless miles, not as progress, but as compensating for sugar binges.  I have lost the same 5 pounds 10 times this year (I am not exaggerating).  I have either lost sleep because I couldn't calm down, or slept too much because I have a throbbing sugar hangover headache.  I have spent too much mental energy fighting the self loathing thoughts I have after a sugar binge.  I find I am doing the work of the enemy, beating myself up every Monday morning.  All he has to do is put some sugar in my path and sit back and watch me do the rest.
Last night, as my heart was so heavy, I knew as I knew that I had to go on a sugar fast.  And as that fully registered with me, just like Pharaoh I asked the Lord to help me......tomorrow (as in today).  I asked him to help me tomorrow (today), so I could spend one more night with the frogs!  I will not list all the things I ate.  I will simply say when I was done, I was in tears.  I so desperately want to change, yet I seriously wonder if I can do it.  Giving up sugar feels more difficult than quitting smoking, drinking, and gambling combined, though I know that when I decided to give up those things, I felt the same way I did now about this. I find it disturbingly odd that I can deal with the big trials in my life much easier than I can deal with this. 
Am I crazy to share this will you all?  I admit the prideful part of me would like to sit back and smile and pretend that I simply overdue it once in awhile.  I would like to be seen as the strong, confident, woman of God that has no vices, no "frogs". But that's not true.  I am addicted.  It is interfering with who I want to be.  It is a thorn in my side.  And though I feel like a loser writing about this, I will.  I will, because that's what Real Women Do.  They admit when they need a little help.  They admit when they are out of control.  They admit when they are feeling defeated.
Do you know what else Real Women Do?  They get up.  They fight.  They believe that there is a reward at the end of the road.  They come out swinging with confident hope and expectation that if the Lord said "put that down, and follow me", He is sure to show me how. 
I am taking you along with me.  Forty days.....no sugar.  I am not sure how my writing is going to take shape, but as always, we will just wait on the Holy Spirit to show me.  One thing I am sure of......it will be interesting.............

Matthew 16:24-25 Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me.  If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it.  but if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.

Love you all-
Jen