Traveling Light
Good Morning Girls! Yesterday I talked a little about the two types of travelers. There is the well planned traveler, and the "I like to do what I want, when I want" traveler (which just so happens to be me). The reason I encouraged you all to take a look at what kind of traveler you are, is because I believe the way we travel is the way we live our life. Traveling simply intensifies our behaviors and personalities. It is important to be able to identify your personality, because if you do not..... well......let's just say, things can get ugly.............
About a month ago, Renee and I took HomeMakers on the road. She was invited to speak at a womens conference out of town, and she was kind enough to let me tag along. She knows that I dream of doing the same thing some day, so she thought it would be good for me to experience it first hand. I was so excited. I couldn't wait.
The trip started just as I imagined- with us laughing hysterically at things that "normal" people would simply shake their heads and roll their eyes at. We were going to have a blast for sure. Now, I knew full well that Renee would be running the show. She is a bit of an Alpha female (I learned from the best), and she likes to do things a certain way. I am totally fine with that, as that is the relationship we have. She has always been my mentor, my leader, and therefore, I do not mind her calling the shots. Actually, i was looking forward to simply being along for the ride. I thought it would be refreshing.
And it was. I was there for Renee in whatever capacity she needed me to be there in. I was at her service, and happy to be there. Now don't misunderstand what I am saying. It's not like she was there bossing me around or anything. It's just that there is a lot of work physically, mentally, and spiritually, that goes into preparing 3 separate hour long messages. I was there to help her. Just like everything else we do, we were having a good time. I went to bed after Friday nights service exhausted and excited all at the same time. It was just like I imagined. Renee had one message done, there were two more the next day.
I woke up Saturday feeling good. Excited for day two. Excited to hear how the girls at the conference were feeling so far about Renee's message. They loved her of course......and they loved her message. Everyone was so kind, we met some really wonderful people. The lack of sleep was worth it. The morning session officially began, and we were called back into the sanctuary. And that's were the trouble began............
So we started out with some praise and worship. "That's cool" I thought. We did praise and worship the night before and it was awesome. I haven't done praise and worship with a sanctuary of just women in like 6 years. There was something about a Girl's Only praise and worship that I thought was extra special. Plus, I kept looking at the drummer thinking "I want to be cool like her......why didn't I play the drums instead of the stupid flute in high school?". So there we were lifting our hands, voices, and hearts to the Lord. What an awesome way to start the day......
Except that it went on and on and on. NO seriously. We are talking like an hour or more. And that's when it started. The mental warfare. "How long are they going to keep singing" I thought. "Nice Jen. So you are sick of worshipping the Lord? Is that what you are saying?" "No. I am just wondering how long this is going to go on. Some of these people are having these wow moments and I am not really feeling anything. No really I can't feel my shoulders anymore." "Maybe you are not having a wow moment because you don't have a pure heart. You are here for all the wrong reasons." "NO I AM NOT!" "Someone who REALLY loves the Lord would love to sing praise and worship forever Jen. Remember, that's what heaven is all about. You get to praise and worship the Lord up close for eternity........hmmmmmm.....maybe you won't even like heaven.....I mean if this is SO BAD, what do you think heaven will be like". "That's not true. It's not that I don't like this. I just thought Renee was going to be speaking at 9:45 and it is now 10:30 and I am wondering what is going on!" Yep. That is how I spent the last 30 minutes of praise and worship. Engaged in mental torture. Not even able to recognize which thought was my own. Sound fun?
The worship eventually ended and Renee gave her message. Awesome of course. Then it was time to break for lunch and finish off with one more session. "Okay. This is good" I thought. We are back on track. We went out to get our lunch. What!!! You have got to be kidding me! The lunch was something I do not like.....at all. I couldn't even try to like it. I took the few things that I could and headed back to the room Renee was given in order to relax and prepare in between sessions. Renee was trying to go over her notes and prepare for the next session, which started in less than an hour. She needed a break. "I will sit here quietly" I thought, as I picked at my plate.
But I could not sit quietly. I was literally crawling over my chair like a two year old mumbling random things out loud. "Why would they serve this for lunch......Do you think we are going to have 2 more hours of praise and worship?......I don't think I really even like people.......I thought I did, but I don't.........people bug me.........I want to move away to the mountains where I don't have to see people ever again.........when are we going to get out of here?......I am ready to go home....". I knew full well I had lost it. I had fully regressed to a toddler who had been at Target too long. Every once in a while Renee would look up, laugh and say "what did you say?" "Nothing", I would mumble. "Except that I am a bad pagan baby freak" I would think to myself.
I made it through the last session without causing any trouble. No one would have known by looking at me, that I was having a mental breakdown. We said our goodbyes and got ready to leave. We were good to go. But then, something else happened. My escape got delayed by another hour. And though I tried so hard to be a good sport, I was barely hanging on. The worse part was, the guilt was already settling in hard. I accepted it. I deserved it. After all, what kind of woman of God gets upset because praise and worship lasts longer than planned? My dream of speaking at women's conferences were dashed. "No way does this selfish pagan deserve to do such things" were the thoughts I was left with.
And this Girls, is why it is critical for you to understand what kind of traveler you are. It will save you a lot of mental torture! The devil saw his opening, and he went for it. And I took it. You see, I am fully convinced that if we would have received an itinerary that stated how long praise and worship was going to be, as well as what lunch was going to be, I would have been fine. I would have been able to prepare myself. The problem was not that I am a pagan who doesn't love to praise the Lord. The problem is that I am an Alpha who does not like being at the mercy of someone else's schedule....especially a schedule that is not even revealed to me! There is a big difference! Now, I can simply work on my ability to be flexible and willing to follow, rather than working on feeling like a phony, fake, people loathing pagan! It's the difference between losing my faith....and losing my self (which obviously needs to be done).
So Girls, whether at home, or on the road, travel light. Light hearted. Light loaded. And most of all, with the light of the Lord!
Ephesians 5:8-9 NLT For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light! For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true.
Love, thanks, and light travels to you all,
Jen
About a month ago, Renee and I took HomeMakers on the road. She was invited to speak at a womens conference out of town, and she was kind enough to let me tag along. She knows that I dream of doing the same thing some day, so she thought it would be good for me to experience it first hand. I was so excited. I couldn't wait.
The trip started just as I imagined- with us laughing hysterically at things that "normal" people would simply shake their heads and roll their eyes at. We were going to have a blast for sure. Now, I knew full well that Renee would be running the show. She is a bit of an Alpha female (I learned from the best), and she likes to do things a certain way. I am totally fine with that, as that is the relationship we have. She has always been my mentor, my leader, and therefore, I do not mind her calling the shots. Actually, i was looking forward to simply being along for the ride. I thought it would be refreshing.
And it was. I was there for Renee in whatever capacity she needed me to be there in. I was at her service, and happy to be there. Now don't misunderstand what I am saying. It's not like she was there bossing me around or anything. It's just that there is a lot of work physically, mentally, and spiritually, that goes into preparing 3 separate hour long messages. I was there to help her. Just like everything else we do, we were having a good time. I went to bed after Friday nights service exhausted and excited all at the same time. It was just like I imagined. Renee had one message done, there were two more the next day.
I woke up Saturday feeling good. Excited for day two. Excited to hear how the girls at the conference were feeling so far about Renee's message. They loved her of course......and they loved her message. Everyone was so kind, we met some really wonderful people. The lack of sleep was worth it. The morning session officially began, and we were called back into the sanctuary. And that's were the trouble began............
So we started out with some praise and worship. "That's cool" I thought. We did praise and worship the night before and it was awesome. I haven't done praise and worship with a sanctuary of just women in like 6 years. There was something about a Girl's Only praise and worship that I thought was extra special. Plus, I kept looking at the drummer thinking "I want to be cool like her......why didn't I play the drums instead of the stupid flute in high school?". So there we were lifting our hands, voices, and hearts to the Lord. What an awesome way to start the day......
Except that it went on and on and on. NO seriously. We are talking like an hour or more. And that's when it started. The mental warfare. "How long are they going to keep singing" I thought. "Nice Jen. So you are sick of worshipping the Lord? Is that what you are saying?" "No. I am just wondering how long this is going to go on. Some of these people are having these wow moments and I am not really feeling anything. No really I can't feel my shoulders anymore." "Maybe you are not having a wow moment because you don't have a pure heart. You are here for all the wrong reasons." "NO I AM NOT!" "Someone who REALLY loves the Lord would love to sing praise and worship forever Jen. Remember, that's what heaven is all about. You get to praise and worship the Lord up close for eternity........hmmmmmm.....maybe you won't even like heaven.....I mean if this is SO BAD, what do you think heaven will be like". "That's not true. It's not that I don't like this. I just thought Renee was going to be speaking at 9:45 and it is now 10:30 and I am wondering what is going on!" Yep. That is how I spent the last 30 minutes of praise and worship. Engaged in mental torture. Not even able to recognize which thought was my own. Sound fun?
The worship eventually ended and Renee gave her message. Awesome of course. Then it was time to break for lunch and finish off with one more session. "Okay. This is good" I thought. We are back on track. We went out to get our lunch. What!!! You have got to be kidding me! The lunch was something I do not like.....at all. I couldn't even try to like it. I took the few things that I could and headed back to the room Renee was given in order to relax and prepare in between sessions. Renee was trying to go over her notes and prepare for the next session, which started in less than an hour. She needed a break. "I will sit here quietly" I thought, as I picked at my plate.
But I could not sit quietly. I was literally crawling over my chair like a two year old mumbling random things out loud. "Why would they serve this for lunch......Do you think we are going to have 2 more hours of praise and worship?......I don't think I really even like people.......I thought I did, but I don't.........people bug me.........I want to move away to the mountains where I don't have to see people ever again.........when are we going to get out of here?......I am ready to go home....". I knew full well I had lost it. I had fully regressed to a toddler who had been at Target too long. Every once in a while Renee would look up, laugh and say "what did you say?" "Nothing", I would mumble. "Except that I am a bad pagan baby freak" I would think to myself.
I made it through the last session without causing any trouble. No one would have known by looking at me, that I was having a mental breakdown. We said our goodbyes and got ready to leave. We were good to go. But then, something else happened. My escape got delayed by another hour. And though I tried so hard to be a good sport, I was barely hanging on. The worse part was, the guilt was already settling in hard. I accepted it. I deserved it. After all, what kind of woman of God gets upset because praise and worship lasts longer than planned? My dream of speaking at women's conferences were dashed. "No way does this selfish pagan deserve to do such things" were the thoughts I was left with.
And this Girls, is why it is critical for you to understand what kind of traveler you are. It will save you a lot of mental torture! The devil saw his opening, and he went for it. And I took it. You see, I am fully convinced that if we would have received an itinerary that stated how long praise and worship was going to be, as well as what lunch was going to be, I would have been fine. I would have been able to prepare myself. The problem was not that I am a pagan who doesn't love to praise the Lord. The problem is that I am an Alpha who does not like being at the mercy of someone else's schedule....especially a schedule that is not even revealed to me! There is a big difference! Now, I can simply work on my ability to be flexible and willing to follow, rather than working on feeling like a phony, fake, people loathing pagan! It's the difference between losing my faith....and losing my self (which obviously needs to be done).
So Girls, whether at home, or on the road, travel light. Light hearted. Light loaded. And most of all, with the light of the Lord!
Ephesians 5:8-9 NLT For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light! For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true.
Love, thanks, and light travels to you all,
Jen
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