Good Morning Girls!  I was at a funeral visitation for a friend last night.  Her mom went home to the Lord on Saturday.  She was only 64.  I was also at a funeral last Friday for my cousin who was only 46.  With each service, I felt like I was going through my dad's services all over again.  It's been 5 months, but it may as well be 5 days.  Certain things just make it seem so fresh.
There are few things in life that permanently change you.  Change the way you see the world.  Change the way you feel about holidays.  Change the way you look at others.  Becoming a first time mom is one of those forever changing experiences....so is the loss of a loved one.   There are moments almost every day that I feel like my life isn't really real.  Like I will wake up and it will be "normal" again.  Each holiday, each change in the weather even, brings a new "weirdness".  I am mowing my moms yard and realizing for the first time all the work and care my dad put into it.  I am looking ahead to Father's Day and wondering "what do I do?".  I go for a boat ride and it doesn't feel right.  My family (Tom, Charley, and Thomas) still have a boat.  We are still a full crew.  But my mom........she lost her Captain, and will never have another moment with him on the lake.  She sold their boat.  Someone local bought it.  When I was on the lake Sunday I saw it.  I saw another family living my life, in my dads boat.  Part of me felt happy that another family was building great memories.  The other part of me wanted to scream obscenities and tell them to get off my dad's boat.  I settled for someplace in the middle.....not quite happy for them- but at least not screaming obscenities. 
Everything simply seems a little off.  It's hard to describe unless you have experienced it.  All I can say is everything is the same.....yet different.  I still have moments when I feel the need to tell complete strangers that my dad passed away.  I still have days where I walk around with a lump in my throat 75% of the time.  I still have days where I think "Is this really my life?".  Most importantly, I still have peace.  I miss my dad. I wish he was here.  It is tough without him.  But it's okay.  It's okay because I trust the Lord.  I trust that He loved my dad even more than I did (which is hard to believe).  I trust that He knows the end.  I trust that though it may be too soon for me.....it was just the right time for him.
I have felt from the moment my dad passed, that the Lord was saving him from something.  Saving him from pain.  Saving him from sickness.  Saving him from the sadness in the world that started bringing my dad down over the last couple of years.  Saving him from.......something.  What, I don't know.  Whenever I felt myself getting angry, the thought of God saving my dad from pain and sorrow made it bearable.  Last night as I was talking with my friend about her mom, she said, "There is a verse somewhere in Isaiah.....57 I think.  It talks about people dying too soon.  It talks about how God is saving them from what is to come."  Well this morning I found that verse.  It confirms what my heart has been telling me the last few months.  It brings me comfort.  It assures me that God is well aware of all the details of all of our lives.  It assures me that He does not want us to experience pain.  It assures me of His love for us.  It assures me that my dads passing, though it was too soon for me, was the right time for my dad.  May it also comfort those of you who have experienced a similar loss......

Isaiah 57:1-2 Good people pass away; the godly often die before their time.  But no one seems to care or wonder why.  No one seems to understand that God is protecting them from the evil to come.  for those who follow godly paths will rest in peace when they die.

Love, peace, and comfort to you all,
jen