Good Morning Girls!  Yesterday I told you all that despite my 7 weeks of INSANITY workouts, I have managed to gain.....not lose......6-7 pounds.  Going into it I wasn't so concerned about losing scale weight, though I did assume that would happen.  I was more interested in lowering my body fat by 2 percent.  If I would have broken even on the scale, I would have thought "okay"  things are good.  But to see  the number.....a number I haven't weighed in over a year or more come up.....well that was.....how do I put it....well quite simply that sucked!

Oh my dear Girls....I know you are trying to cheer me up.  "It's muscle" you are saying to your computer screen right now.  Well, I do confess, my booty is solid.  I've got a little JLo (jennifer lopez) thing going on back there......which really does no good because very few people see me in clothes that show my JLo.....but still I know it's back there.  Not that I would, but if I wanted to, I could sport me some Daisy Dukes and do just fine.....

As long as you don't look at the muffin top hanging over my Daisy Dukes!  That's where the fat has settled (again).  In the form of the small inner tube above my hips.  Lose it in the chest....gain it in the waist......how is that even fair?  I would much rather have 2-3 bra sizes than jean sizes to wear on my "fat boob" days.  C'mon Girls, who's with me.....can I get an Amen!

So those who know me best are wondering what I am going to do about the tube.  Certainly I must have a plan of attack already in motion right?  Am I cutting out carbs?  Am I counting calories?  Am I doing a cleanse.....a fast......a detox......?  Have I bought some new pill that curbs my appetite and gives me back my boobs?  What is it NOW you ask!!!!!!!!!!

I'll tell you what it is I am planning to do.  It's nothing.  That's right, nothing.  NO-THING!   I am not going to do a single thing about the tube right now.  Sure, when I first got on the scale my mind started scrambling at all the above mentioned tactics.  "Surely this must be dealt with before I leave again for 12 days at the cabin!  I can't go looking like this!  By the time I get home none of my jeans will fit!"  Oh yeah........that first day on the scale catapulted me into all the stages of grief.  Not for my dad, but for the loss of my "perfect number" on the scale.

And it was during the anger stage that I realized something.  I realized that I am more than a number.  Well, ok, I realized that I am supposed to realize that I am more than a number.  I haven't fully realized this.....but I do realize that this is what I need to work on more than anything.  Does that make sense?  I am not the number on the scale.  I am not the number on my jeans.  I am not the number of my body fat percentage.  My heart tells me this.  The part of me that understands how much Jesus loves me understands this.  The 12 year old fat girl inside that I am beginning to realize has been running the show a lot more than she should be is saying "Talk to the tube.....cuz the brain 'aint listening!"

So my plan, if you will, is to deal with my inner fat girl.  In the past I assumed the only way to deal with her, was to make her thin.  Then she would finally shut up.  But that is proving to be wrong.  The smaller I got, the greedier the fat girl inside got.  "Lose more!  Lose more!" she cried.  "You are still not good enough!"  "You can be a 4....if you just work a little harder!"  Oh, she is so obnoxious.  It's time to sit her down and have a little chat........

I figure the only way I can do this.... fully move in to the acceptance stage of grief....is to journal it out.  I don't have time to journal and blog, so I am doing it here.  I hope you all don't mind.  In fact, I hope I can help some of you quiet your inner fat girl....ugly girl.....awkward girl.....insecure girl....or whatever girl, other than the Real Girl that you are.  If you have a voice telling you that you are a less than beautiful Girl....a Girl who is loved beyond measure.....than you need to start talking to that girl.  That girl needs to understand that she is loved.  She is precious.  She is perfected in Christ.  She needs to be healed.  I am realizing that bands aids don't cut it.....the wounds are too deep.

If you have already moved into Acceptance, not just about your weight, but about who you are, please don't leave us.  Any input or feedback you have for the rest of us is deeply appreciated.  In fact, in the past I have not posted comments.  Maybe this is a good time to do so.....only with your permission.  If you send me a comment I will post it.  If you do not want me to, let me know, I will honor your request. 

Thanks for listening............I'm sure I owe you all millions in couch therapy dollars Lol

Proverbs 23:7  For as she thinks in her heart, so is she

Love, thanks, and acceptance to you all,
Jen