Good Morning Girls!  Sixty two days since my last post.  Part of me thinks "why bother?  It's not like anyone is going to see this.  You've lost what ever readers you once had.  You are wasting your time.  Time you do not have."  How's that for encouraging? 

The truth is however, that my heart longs to write, and I had to ask myself: "If nobody reads this, is it still worth it?".  After wrestling with that question and many more, the answer (obvious since I am here) is "YES"!  It is worth it   It is worth it to acknowledge what is going on inside of me.  It is worth it to express myself even if it is only between me and the Lord.  It is worth it because my spirit feels agitated every day that I do not write. 

Sixty two days since I have blogged.  You would not believe all that has happened in those 62 days.  A lifetime of lessons to be sure.  I have never felt so much like I am completely off track, while at the same time heading towards the right plan in my life!  Sound confusing?  It is!  It is especially confusing when you are the one living it!

Oh how I often long for the life I had a few years ago.  Everything was so neat and in order.  It was black and white with a few moments of grey.  I had a routine.  I had structure.  I had a certain amount of predictability.  Get up, blog, work out, eat breakfast....all my little ducks in a row. 

Well my ducks got up and flew south for the winter.......and failed to come back in the spring!  Now my life is day to day.  Oh I guess I still have routine and structure- it's just not the routine or structure I want! 

As much as the last two years have been uncomfortable, I would not trade the growth I have experienced in them for anything.  Well, okay, lets be honest here.  If there were a book that I could have read and learned all of the things I have learned without the tears and tantrums, then yes, I confess I would rather have spent $22.95 on the book!  Unfortunately that wasn't an option.  The only way to get where I am today was to live out each day- whether perfect or painful.

And so I am going to start up again....just like my favorite verse in Micah 7:8 Do not rejoice over me my enemy, for when I fall, I will arise!  I wouldn't really say I have "fallen" as I truly don't know how I could have been writing the last 2 months.  but I do feel like the enemy loved me not writing....and that is why I am getting a little feisty in saying "I'm back"!

So what got me to finally sit down this morning....this morning when I am supposed to be doing a million other things?  It was todays verse.  I sat down to do the work I am "supposed" to be doing, but I was so drawn to my bible that I could not focus.  So I started reading, and when I got to this part, my heart leapt and I knew I had to share.  Unfortunately I spent so many words in my re-introduction, that I am not going to spend a lot talking about the verse.  Perhaps I don't need to.  Perhaps when you (if there are any "you's" out there) read it the Holy Spirit will just speak what it means to you directly to your heart.  Maybe I will continue with it tomorrow.  Who knows....my life is filled with "perhaps's and maybe's".....one day at a time.  Looking towards the sky, waiting for me ducks to return!

If you find yourself waiting for your ducks to return and feel like your of no value or importance until they do, stop right there and meditate on today's verse:

2 Corinthians 6:11-13 Message Translation  Dear, dear Corinthians (Girls), I can't tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide-open, spacious life.  We didn't fence you in.  The smallness you feel comes from within you.  Your lives aren't small, but you are living them in a small way.  I'm speaking as plainly as I can with great affection.  Open up your lives.  Live openly and expansively!


Feeling good to be back-
Jen