Good Morning Girls!  I was struggling a bit yesterday- feeling irritated with many things in my life and in the world.  I had an overall feeling of discontent which irritated me even more.  Wanting to ignore this perfect storm of emotions I kept busy cleaning the house and doing laundry.

I decided to ride my bike to the nearest redbox to get the highly anticipated smash hit Gnomeo and Juliet.  On my way back I was praying to the Lord.  It went something like this:

"I know that it must grieve you to see me struggling and trying so hard.  I know it must frustrate you to watch me day in and day out try to "earn my keep".  I know that you love me.  I know that you have great plans for me.  I sometimes think that those great plans are simply the gift of being a wife and mother, and if so please help me to enjoy them more and feel okay about enjoying myself and my family rather than feeling guilty for not doing enough.  Help me to understand that I am good enough.  I am "enough" just by being me.  I know it in my head, but I do not know it deep in my heart.  If I knew it down in my heart I wouldn't keep seeking a purpose.  If I knew it in my heart I would be able to enjoy the present moment more- whatever that moment might be.  Please help me to quit striving and working so hard- especially when I have no idea what I am even striving towards"

Just then I saw a flash of yellow out of the corner of my eye.  I turned my head to the right and saw this kid running and waving his arms.  It took a moment for me to register that it was Thomas waving his arms and running trying to get my attention.  Tom had brought the kids up to the ball field for some practice.

I pulled up to the field and set my bike against the fence.  Normally I would have sat down on the bench to watch.  However, this time I walked out on the field.  "Are you going to play with us mom?"  The kids both asked with wide eyes.  "Yepper" I said.  "Thomas' old glove is in the car" said Tom.  "Great" and I ran and got it.

Now this was a huge moment in the Gilbert family.  You see- mom NEVER plays baseball.  She always watches.  She always cheers.  But she never, ever, plays.  Do you know why?  It's embarrassing to admit but let's just get real (or stay real) here.....I never play because in my mind I am not "good enough".

Seriously.  I have not played all year with my family because I was afraid I would be a total uncoordinated loser.  Yesterday however I decided to play before those thoughts could even enter my mind. 

Guess what happened?  We had a blast!  I did better than I thought I would, but that didn't even matter.  When I didn't do well I was able to just laugh and have fun.  We learned that I have an insane fear of pop ups and at one point I said "You would think I got blasted in the head as a kid by a fly ball the way I am so afraid of them"  Tom smiled and said "I always thought that even before I saw you play".  It was a tender moment between husband and wife.

My kids didn't see that I was a pop up failure.  They saw their mom on the field playing ball with them.  Thomas said I should be the coach with daddy.  Charley said "you did better than me and Thomas" (sweet thing.....I would hope I would do better than a 7 and 9 year old)

I believe what happened yesterday was not random.  I believe it was an immediate answer to prayer!  I believe God was teaching me what I had just asked for.  I asked to learn that I am "good enough".  Though I can't catch a pop up to save my life, I was in fact "good enough".. Good enough to share a moment with my family rather than watching from the bench......it's a lesson I hope to carry in all areas of my life!

So Girls, if you are stuck on the bench in any area of your life for fear that you are not good enough- get in the game!  It's much more fun to get out their and made a few mistakes than it is to sit and watch.......ask me how I know.........

Romans 8:26  and the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness

Love, grace, and a get off the bench day to you all-
Jen