Tormented?
Good Morning Girls! I'm back! After spending the last 21 out of 28 days on vacation at cabins in Wisconsin and Washington with family, I am back. And it feels good to be back. Well sort of.........
Every year coming home from Washington is like my New Year's. After 12 days of doing whatever I want whenever I want I am ready for some structure and discipline. I try to exercise my self control while at the cabin but let's just say it has become a tradition of flesh triumphing over spirit. If the cabin had a bumper sticker it would read "where the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak". Enough said?
Oh it's not all gluttony and paganism. It is also great family time, friend time, and study time. I returned last night very excited to start blogging again as I have had some amazing time in the Word in between the big meals, naps, and apple pies!
I promised myself I would not let anything interfere this time. I have missed writing and missed my morning coffee at the computer with the Lord. A return to writing was one of my post cabin New Year's resolutions. It is the one I am most confident, excited, and sure about (some of the others are still being examined and tweaked but I'm sure I will share them with you as the week progresses). On the plane ride home last night I was most looking forward to this morning and writing. But it couldn't be that simple now could it?.......
First of all we are still on Washington time (2 hours earlier). So I stayed up until 1am watching the A-Team last night. Yes. the A-Team. I am just going to go ahead and admit that I really liked the movie- probably because Bradley cooper is just so cute....is that wrong?
So I went to bed after 1am and slept until almost 10:30- my flesh still in vacation mode and all. My first thought is to make my coffee, grab my Bible, and head to the computer to make sure I have time to write.
As my coffee is brewing the whirlwind in my mind begins. I start writing out my to do list. It covers the front and is starting to fill the back of a large piece of paper. I have everything from laundry to 3 birthday parties, to finally scheduling that gynecologist appointment that I am 6 years over due for!
The to do's just keep coming. I am suddenly compelled to DO everything I have not done all summer. I feel the need to ship my kids off to camp so I can get everything done. I MUST GET IT DONE. I MUST GET IT DONE RIGHT NOW!!!!
Woah......wait a minute....what is going on here? I am suddenly overwhelmed and anxious. I grab my coffee and my Bible and sit down. I start to pray, casting my cares and anxieties to the Lord but in the back of my mind as I pray I am thinking "but seriously....how am I going to get it all done?" I am tormented and tortured and my mind is screaming "SERIOUSLY?! You are going to start writing TODAY? Today when your to-do list is a mile long?"
And my answer as you can see is a YES!!!! Yes! I am going to write. I am choosing to believe that I will get it all done. I am choosing to believe that it will be a supernatural "to do" getting' done day! How am I able to be so sure?
Partly because I am able to see where the anxiety, torment, and torture is coming from....or should I say whom it is coming from. The Tormentor is trying to do a number on me. He is trying to keep me away from the one thing that my soul and spirit hunger for the most. My writing time. My coffee time with the Lord.
He is trying to put fear into my mind. Fear that it won't get done. Fear that I will never be on top of the "list". Fear that my kids will have crummy birthday parties and my hubby won't have clean underwear. Silly isn't it- when you say it out loud? As silly as it is though, I almost forfeited the one thing that my spirit needs more than anything just to get a jump start on laundry and party planning. It's happens to us every day......
Well Girls, I hope you found the time to read this. I hope you didn't see how long it was and think "I don't have time. I have to much to do today." Not because I think this is such awesome writing- I just pray the Tormentor hasn't got you in a whirlwind of to-do's that prevent you from taking a moment to breath in God's Word.
Girls, take a moment today to let the Lord love on you. Make time. Let Him show you that He cares about all the details of your to do's. Let Him cast out the fear of not being enough or doing enough. Let Him assure you that He loves you just as you are.....even if your hubby has dirty underwear........
It feels good to be back. Thanks to those of you who have kept me in your prayers and given me a thread of hope on the days I thought I was done forever! I truly love and am grateful for you all!
1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment.
Grace, thanks, and PERFECT LOVE to you all,
Jen
Every year coming home from Washington is like my New Year's. After 12 days of doing whatever I want whenever I want I am ready for some structure and discipline. I try to exercise my self control while at the cabin but let's just say it has become a tradition of flesh triumphing over spirit. If the cabin had a bumper sticker it would read "where the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak". Enough said?
Oh it's not all gluttony and paganism. It is also great family time, friend time, and study time. I returned last night very excited to start blogging again as I have had some amazing time in the Word in between the big meals, naps, and apple pies!
I promised myself I would not let anything interfere this time. I have missed writing and missed my morning coffee at the computer with the Lord. A return to writing was one of my post cabin New Year's resolutions. It is the one I am most confident, excited, and sure about (some of the others are still being examined and tweaked but I'm sure I will share them with you as the week progresses). On the plane ride home last night I was most looking forward to this morning and writing. But it couldn't be that simple now could it?.......
First of all we are still on Washington time (2 hours earlier). So I stayed up until 1am watching the A-Team last night. Yes. the A-Team. I am just going to go ahead and admit that I really liked the movie- probably because Bradley cooper is just so cute....is that wrong?
So I went to bed after 1am and slept until almost 10:30- my flesh still in vacation mode and all. My first thought is to make my coffee, grab my Bible, and head to the computer to make sure I have time to write.
As my coffee is brewing the whirlwind in my mind begins. I start writing out my to do list. It covers the front and is starting to fill the back of a large piece of paper. I have everything from laundry to 3 birthday parties, to finally scheduling that gynecologist appointment that I am 6 years over due for!
The to do's just keep coming. I am suddenly compelled to DO everything I have not done all summer. I feel the need to ship my kids off to camp so I can get everything done. I MUST GET IT DONE. I MUST GET IT DONE RIGHT NOW!!!!
Woah......wait a minute....what is going on here? I am suddenly overwhelmed and anxious. I grab my coffee and my Bible and sit down. I start to pray, casting my cares and anxieties to the Lord but in the back of my mind as I pray I am thinking "but seriously....how am I going to get it all done?" I am tormented and tortured and my mind is screaming "SERIOUSLY?! You are going to start writing TODAY? Today when your to-do list is a mile long?"
And my answer as you can see is a YES!!!! Yes! I am going to write. I am choosing to believe that I will get it all done. I am choosing to believe that it will be a supernatural "to do" getting' done day! How am I able to be so sure?
Partly because I am able to see where the anxiety, torment, and torture is coming from....or should I say whom it is coming from. The Tormentor is trying to do a number on me. He is trying to keep me away from the one thing that my soul and spirit hunger for the most. My writing time. My coffee time with the Lord.
He is trying to put fear into my mind. Fear that it won't get done. Fear that I will never be on top of the "list". Fear that my kids will have crummy birthday parties and my hubby won't have clean underwear. Silly isn't it- when you say it out loud? As silly as it is though, I almost forfeited the one thing that my spirit needs more than anything just to get a jump start on laundry and party planning. It's happens to us every day......
Well Girls, I hope you found the time to read this. I hope you didn't see how long it was and think "I don't have time. I have to much to do today." Not because I think this is such awesome writing- I just pray the Tormentor hasn't got you in a whirlwind of to-do's that prevent you from taking a moment to breath in God's Word.
Girls, take a moment today to let the Lord love on you. Make time. Let Him show you that He cares about all the details of your to do's. Let Him cast out the fear of not being enough or doing enough. Let Him assure you that He loves you just as you are.....even if your hubby has dirty underwear........
It feels good to be back. Thanks to those of you who have kept me in your prayers and given me a thread of hope on the days I thought I was done forever! I truly love and am grateful for you all!
1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment.
Grace, thanks, and PERFECT LOVE to you all,
Jen
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