Depressed and Distressed
Good Morning Girls! I wasn't able to write yesterday morning. I wasn't able to write because I was personally wrestling and struggling with our "D" words for today (or should I say yesterday). Our words are:
Depressed:
-sad and gloomy; dejected; downcast
-undergoing economic hardship, especially poverty and unemployment
AND
Distressed:
-to cause strain, anxiety, or suffering to
-the condition of being in need of immediate assistance
The crazy thing is I didn't even realize exactly what was happening. Here I've been writing about the devil "D letter" devices and in the midst of my writing and studying, he got me again! He is sly and sneaky and tricky I tell you.
But lets not give him too much credit! Praise God I am back at the computer and back to feeling myself (well pretty much). God is good and faithful and when I write these things I can say them with absolute certainty that what I am saying is true! And once again, what the enemy meant to destroy me, the Lord is using for good! Praise God!
I am sure that yesterdays writing would have been okay. You are a very forgiving audience. I'm sure it would have been okay....but it would not have been as fresh and as real as today. God spared us "textbook knowledge" and gave us real life in action! Praise God!
So here's what happened. I sat down to write yesterday and before I finished the second sentence my hubby walks in and tells me he needs to hop on the computer for a minute to re-send an e-mail. Now normally this would be no big deal; of course his work comes before my writing (until I am publishing books worldwide and I don't have to share my computer anymore).
Yesterday however, it was a big deal. It was a big deal because I was already irritated with him. It was a big deal because he didn't even say good morning before telling me he needed the computer. It was a big deal because I have had overall feelings of irritation and annoyance towards him lately (I'm sure we will address that soon). And lastly, it was a big deal because I was already running late and to even let him hop on for a few minutes meant no writing for me. I grabbed my stuff and left for work with my "undies in a bunch" as my mom used to say when I would get all crabby and huffy.
So I get in the car and the enemy decides that if my hubby isn't bothering to say "good morning" then he certainly will. It's very subtle and sneaky. It went something like this:
"Great. Now I didn't get to write. How did that happen? I even got up extra early to have some extra prayer time. I knew what I was doing to write about. I had my words picked out. I had my verse picked out. Hmmm.....I wonder what went wrong....I mean besides my big jerk husband ruining everything.
I wonder if this means that this writing thing is all in my head. I just think I am someone that I am not. I just think I have so much to say. I think it is a burning desire in my heart but it's not. It's pride. That's right- it's pride. I somehow think I can escape working a 40 hour a week job I don't like even though millions do it every day. I somehow think I get to do what I really desperately want to do. Sure, nobody cares if I play on the computer, but nobody is ever going to pay me for it! Get a grip."
Notice something here? Notice that the accusations came in "I" form rather than "you" form. How often does that happen and we never even realize it? How often do we accept "I statements" as our own? Sure we can be hard on ourselves at times but the constant torment of thoughts that I experience at different moments can not be self inflicted- if so I need some serious therapy!!
He uses "I" statements so we claim them as our own without even realizing it!
The previous rant was just on the car ride to work. Once I started working (hanging pizza coupons on doorknobs......seriously) the torment continued.
"I am going to have to get a full time job. What am I even qualified to do? I have always done sales. I do not want to do sales anymore. I am not going to work at some job I hate for a few bucks. Oh look- there's that pride again. Why do I think I can escape the inevitable? It's just that in my gut...in my heart.....I do not see me returning to corporate America. It seems so pointless. I really want to write and speak and encourage others in their relationship with the Lord. Well good luck with that- you couldn't even write today. And how about that prayer time? You asked God to reveal himself to you so you could know Him more....what did you get? Maybe the silence is Him telling you to go ahead and get a real job. Quit whining, suck it up, and get to work."
Did you catch what's going on here now? I am actually arguing with myself! One minute I am calling myself a dreaming, prideful, pagan. The next I am defending what I believe in my heart to be true! and it's all talking place in my head! Oh....I do need therapy.......
So the devil used discouragement, disappointment, and disqualified me which added to my already depressed state. By mid morning I found myself totally distressed. Remember the definition of distressed- to cause strain, anxiety, or suffering to; the condition of being in need of immediate assistance!
Yes, I was definitely in the condition of needing immediate assistance.........
Psalm 143:7,11 Come quickly, Lord, and answer me. For my depression deepens. Don't turn away from me, or I will die. For the glory of your name, O Lord, preserve my life. Because of your faithfulness, bring me out of this distress!
Love, grace, and a distress free day to you all-
Jen
ps Thought you should know that immediately after writing the part about Tom needing the computer, he walked in and looked at me and said "Good Morning" with a sheepish look on his face. "Do you need the computer" I asked. He did. When I went to the kitchen to make breakfast the Lord kindly pointed out the fact that I seriously need to address and deal with this "overall level of irritation" I told you I have been feeling towards Tom. The Lord pointed out that our little spat is part of what caused me the inability to write, which in turn opened the door to the enemy. Ha-rumph......I don't like dealing with marital irritation. I prefer God just clean it up! Can I get an amen? No? Fine............
Depressed:
-sad and gloomy; dejected; downcast
-undergoing economic hardship, especially poverty and unemployment
AND
Distressed:
-to cause strain, anxiety, or suffering to
-the condition of being in need of immediate assistance
The crazy thing is I didn't even realize exactly what was happening. Here I've been writing about the devil "D letter" devices and in the midst of my writing and studying, he got me again! He is sly and sneaky and tricky I tell you.
But lets not give him too much credit! Praise God I am back at the computer and back to feeling myself (well pretty much). God is good and faithful and when I write these things I can say them with absolute certainty that what I am saying is true! And once again, what the enemy meant to destroy me, the Lord is using for good! Praise God!
I am sure that yesterdays writing would have been okay. You are a very forgiving audience. I'm sure it would have been okay....but it would not have been as fresh and as real as today. God spared us "textbook knowledge" and gave us real life in action! Praise God!
So here's what happened. I sat down to write yesterday and before I finished the second sentence my hubby walks in and tells me he needs to hop on the computer for a minute to re-send an e-mail. Now normally this would be no big deal; of course his work comes before my writing (until I am publishing books worldwide and I don't have to share my computer anymore).
Yesterday however, it was a big deal. It was a big deal because I was already irritated with him. It was a big deal because he didn't even say good morning before telling me he needed the computer. It was a big deal because I have had overall feelings of irritation and annoyance towards him lately (I'm sure we will address that soon). And lastly, it was a big deal because I was already running late and to even let him hop on for a few minutes meant no writing for me. I grabbed my stuff and left for work with my "undies in a bunch" as my mom used to say when I would get all crabby and huffy.
So I get in the car and the enemy decides that if my hubby isn't bothering to say "good morning" then he certainly will. It's very subtle and sneaky. It went something like this:
"Great. Now I didn't get to write. How did that happen? I even got up extra early to have some extra prayer time. I knew what I was doing to write about. I had my words picked out. I had my verse picked out. Hmmm.....I wonder what went wrong....I mean besides my big jerk husband ruining everything.
I wonder if this means that this writing thing is all in my head. I just think I am someone that I am not. I just think I have so much to say. I think it is a burning desire in my heart but it's not. It's pride. That's right- it's pride. I somehow think I can escape working a 40 hour a week job I don't like even though millions do it every day. I somehow think I get to do what I really desperately want to do. Sure, nobody cares if I play on the computer, but nobody is ever going to pay me for it! Get a grip."
Notice something here? Notice that the accusations came in "I" form rather than "you" form. How often does that happen and we never even realize it? How often do we accept "I statements" as our own? Sure we can be hard on ourselves at times but the constant torment of thoughts that I experience at different moments can not be self inflicted- if so I need some serious therapy!!
He uses "I" statements so we claim them as our own without even realizing it!
The previous rant was just on the car ride to work. Once I started working (hanging pizza coupons on doorknobs......seriously) the torment continued.
"I am going to have to get a full time job. What am I even qualified to do? I have always done sales. I do not want to do sales anymore. I am not going to work at some job I hate for a few bucks. Oh look- there's that pride again. Why do I think I can escape the inevitable? It's just that in my gut...in my heart.....I do not see me returning to corporate America. It seems so pointless. I really want to write and speak and encourage others in their relationship with the Lord. Well good luck with that- you couldn't even write today. And how about that prayer time? You asked God to reveal himself to you so you could know Him more....what did you get? Maybe the silence is Him telling you to go ahead and get a real job. Quit whining, suck it up, and get to work."
Did you catch what's going on here now? I am actually arguing with myself! One minute I am calling myself a dreaming, prideful, pagan. The next I am defending what I believe in my heart to be true! and it's all talking place in my head! Oh....I do need therapy.......
So the devil used discouragement, disappointment, and disqualified me which added to my already depressed state. By mid morning I found myself totally distressed. Remember the definition of distressed- to cause strain, anxiety, or suffering to; the condition of being in need of immediate assistance!
Yes, I was definitely in the condition of needing immediate assistance.........
Psalm 143:7,11 Come quickly, Lord, and answer me. For my depression deepens. Don't turn away from me, or I will die. For the glory of your name, O Lord, preserve my life. Because of your faithfulness, bring me out of this distress!
Love, grace, and a distress free day to you all-
Jen
ps Thought you should know that immediately after writing the part about Tom needing the computer, he walked in and looked at me and said "Good Morning" with a sheepish look on his face. "Do you need the computer" I asked. He did. When I went to the kitchen to make breakfast the Lord kindly pointed out the fact that I seriously need to address and deal with this "overall level of irritation" I told you I have been feeling towards Tom. The Lord pointed out that our little spat is part of what caused me the inability to write, which in turn opened the door to the enemy. Ha-rumph......I don't like dealing with marital irritation. I prefer God just clean it up! Can I get an amen? No? Fine............
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