From an Ox to a Mule
Good Morning Girls! On Friday I left you all with what I thought was a more light hearted message. I thought I was sharing some of the basic feelings and relational "moments" we all experience in marriage. I thought it was no big deal.......
I learned something yesterday. I learned that when I am experiencing a lot of "bugged" surfacey feelings it is an indicator that there is something bigger going on. Let's not sugarcoat it. It's more than an indicator. It's a red flag......
On the way to church (of course) we were talking about a few scheduling details for the upcoming week. I was approaching them once again with caution as I have felt like my home is carpeted with egg shells. Must tread lightly.
Then I mentioned something that I thought was no big deal. Thought it was just small talk. To my surprise it was one of those things that Tom had a very strong (and I think stupid) opinion about. I had no clue he would respond in such a way or I obviously would not have said a thing. But I did. And his response escalated the "bugged" status to full on "I am so done".
My man went from an "Ox" to a "Mule" in 0.9 seconds. I had had enough.
I had had enough of his "I am an island" thinking. Enough of his "I walk alone in this world" behavior. Enough of his "We don't ask others for help and others should take care of themselves" attitude. I had had enough of his isolation, brooding, and weight of the world life. And I let him know it.
My grace for him had apparently ran out that morning. What can I say? I'm not Jesus....
Guess what happens when you tell your Ox you think he's a Mule?
You spend the rest of the day in separate rooms. You spend the rest of the day vacillating between wanting to make things right and being sick of needing to make things right. You feel alone in your own home. You feel restless, agitated, and sad. You go to bed without saying "Good Night".
And you wake up feeling the same heaviness you went to bed with........
The Lord led me to a verse a couple weeks ago. I wrote it down thinking it must be for a future blog. A verse for someone else. I may as well confess that I started thinking about who the verse could be for. FYI- whenever you start thinking about who the Lord brought you a verse for, start by looking in the mirror.
Psalm 37:8 Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper- it only leads to harm.
I didn't realize I was angry til it surfaced. Thought it was simply the ebb and flow of marriage. Now I think it is more........and I am not sure what to do about it.
So I did the only thing I know to do. I prayed. I prayed for the grace to love my ox today. I prayed for steps that need to be taken. I prayed that the Lord would change my heart. I prayed that the Lord would soften both our hearts. I prayed that our marriage would be the marriage He intended us to have.
We have fought side by side for the last few years now. We are nearing the end of our fight. I believe that with all my heart. I believe victory is ours and it is manifesting as I type. I believe the enemy is not happy with this. I believe he is attacking us at our core. He wants us to turn our fight on each other rather than him.
Anger is poison. But it is not the quick arsenic type. No. It is a long, slow, subtle death that is painful and debilitating. It needs to be cleaned out of your system completely or you will slowly die.........
If you think you have some running through your veins you best spend some time with the Lord today. I know I plan to. Praise God for the blood of Jesus. May His blood cleanse mine!
Love, peace, and a poison free day to you all-
Jen
I learned something yesterday. I learned that when I am experiencing a lot of "bugged" surfacey feelings it is an indicator that there is something bigger going on. Let's not sugarcoat it. It's more than an indicator. It's a red flag......
On the way to church (of course) we were talking about a few scheduling details for the upcoming week. I was approaching them once again with caution as I have felt like my home is carpeted with egg shells. Must tread lightly.
Then I mentioned something that I thought was no big deal. Thought it was just small talk. To my surprise it was one of those things that Tom had a very strong (and I think stupid) opinion about. I had no clue he would respond in such a way or I obviously would not have said a thing. But I did. And his response escalated the "bugged" status to full on "I am so done".
My man went from an "Ox" to a "Mule" in 0.9 seconds. I had had enough.
I had had enough of his "I am an island" thinking. Enough of his "I walk alone in this world" behavior. Enough of his "We don't ask others for help and others should take care of themselves" attitude. I had had enough of his isolation, brooding, and weight of the world life. And I let him know it.
My grace for him had apparently ran out that morning. What can I say? I'm not Jesus....
Guess what happens when you tell your Ox you think he's a Mule?
You spend the rest of the day in separate rooms. You spend the rest of the day vacillating between wanting to make things right and being sick of needing to make things right. You feel alone in your own home. You feel restless, agitated, and sad. You go to bed without saying "Good Night".
And you wake up feeling the same heaviness you went to bed with........
The Lord led me to a verse a couple weeks ago. I wrote it down thinking it must be for a future blog. A verse for someone else. I may as well confess that I started thinking about who the verse could be for. FYI- whenever you start thinking about who the Lord brought you a verse for, start by looking in the mirror.
Psalm 37:8 Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper- it only leads to harm.
I didn't realize I was angry til it surfaced. Thought it was simply the ebb and flow of marriage. Now I think it is more........and I am not sure what to do about it.
So I did the only thing I know to do. I prayed. I prayed for the grace to love my ox today. I prayed for steps that need to be taken. I prayed that the Lord would change my heart. I prayed that the Lord would soften both our hearts. I prayed that our marriage would be the marriage He intended us to have.
We have fought side by side for the last few years now. We are nearing the end of our fight. I believe that with all my heart. I believe victory is ours and it is manifesting as I type. I believe the enemy is not happy with this. I believe he is attacking us at our core. He wants us to turn our fight on each other rather than him.
Anger is poison. But it is not the quick arsenic type. No. It is a long, slow, subtle death that is painful and debilitating. It needs to be cleaned out of your system completely or you will slowly die.........
If you think you have some running through your veins you best spend some time with the Lord today. I know I plan to. Praise God for the blood of Jesus. May His blood cleanse mine!
Love, peace, and a poison free day to you all-
Jen
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