"I been thinking, (dangerous, I know). Maybe you ARE doing what God wants you to do. Maybe He just wants you to keep on keeping on, for now. And maybe He will tell you what to change when you settle in and be content where you are. I know that worked for me. When I finally decided that God really wanted me to be single for life, and I got content being single, He brought Rick into my life. And 7 months later we were married. And that was in 1984!"

Settle in and be content where you are.......

I believe it to be absolute Truth.  And here's the kicker........I am content with where I am.  I am content to be a Home Maker that works odd jobs part time.  I am content to write each day for whomever happens to read.  I am content with serving at HomeMakers and having the privilege to speak on occasion.  I am content with that life.

You are probably thinking I am delusional right now.  Especially since my last few blogs have been about the angst I am in over what I should be doing.  Please, stay with me here.......

I am content with where I am.....HOWEVER......I am not sure that those around me are content with who I am.  "Am I enough?" I often wonder.  "Am I doing enough?", "Am I contributing enough?", "Am I earning my keep?" at home and in this world?.........

And here I thought I was finally understanding the message of Grace.  In the midst of me sharing the Truth of Grace with you all, I myself am trying to earn it!  And not just with God, but with my husband as well.

This is not a new thing for me.  This fear of not being "enough" has haunted me all my life.  Each time I arrive at a milestone in life I get so worked up in trying to be "enough" that I end up clinically depressed.  Graduating from high school and graduating from college caused me so much angst that I ended up on anti depressants and in therapy.  I'm not sure I have changed so much........

I love my life!  I love it......but I have a hard time enjoying it.  I often feel like I am a disappointment to myself.........to others.......to the world.......to the Lord.......... 

The feeling of constant disappointment........it's a VERY dangerous place to live!  It's the kind of place that drives you to self sabotaging behavior.  It's the kind of place that robs you of the present because you are so focused on where you are "supposed" to be.  It's the kind of place that ends in heartbreak.  It's the kind of place where you throw your hands up and walk away...........

I am throwing my hands up.......but not in surrender to guilt, frustration, and feelings of not being enough.  No!  I am throwing my hands up to the Lord in praise and thanksgiving! 

Thank you Lord for setting me free (again)!  Thank you Lord for exposing the lie that I have been feeding on for years!  Thank you Lord for assuring me I am enough, today and everyday.  Thank you Lord for your promise of the good plans you have for me!  Thank you Lord for the gift of faith which assures me that when it is time for me to move.......you will let me know!

Oh Girls.....if any of you have been living in the land of "not good enough" please join me in the Promised Land........the land of freedom and wide open spaces.......

2 Corinthians 6:11-13 Message Translation  Dear, dear Girls, I can tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide-open spacious life.  We didn't fence you in.  The smallness you feel comes from within you.  Your lives aren't small, but you're living them in a small way.  I'm speaking as plainly as I can and with great affection.  Open up your lives.  Live openly and expansively!

Love, Grace, open spaces, and a "more than enough" day to you all-

Jen

ps  And thank you blessed lady Diane for speaking the Truth in love!  Without your feedback who knows how long I could have continued walking in my fenced-in world!