I just hung up the phone with my friend. I called her in near tears to tell her I was sitting in front of the computer trying to write but all I could think about was how I had nothing to say and what was the point anyway as I have to go back to work in three weeks and if I don’t have time now to write how will I possibly have time to write once work and school and activities and youth group start up again and what was I even thinking when I decided to start writing again and I keep having work dreams and I am clearly in distress and tomorrow I am taking the kids to Wild Mountain which is insane because we leave the following day for three weeks in Washington and we get back the day before I go back to work and I was supposed to go back to work all refreshed but I am not refreshed I am exhausted and since we have to go back in three weeks we might as well just cancel vacation and go back to work now as that is all I can think about.
I am pretty sure I said it all just like that. In one big breath. In one long sentence. In one frantic “I can’t do this” meltdown.
Does that ever happen to you? Do you ever have one negative thought that leads to another negative thought that leads to another negative thought that snowballs until you find yourself frozen in fear and anxiety? It’s a horrible feeling. I don’t experience it often but when I do I can barely function. I find myself short with those around me and I can hardly stand being around myself. Suddenly I am aware of every single one of my shortcomings and failures and start believing all of the lies running through my head. Though I know they are lies, and I will be fine, my mind will not stop racing.
God tells us in His word to give all of our worries and cares to Him because he cares about us. I believe deep down that this is true. As much as I know that God cares and loves me to the point that he has numbered every hair on my head and that God’s plans and purpose for my life will prevail and He will give me all of the strength, energy and endurance I need for each day, it is still so easy to get caught up “Who, What, Where, Why’s, and How’s” of all of the expectations others have for me as well as the ones I have for myself (which I admit are often unrealistic).
Sometimes you need to call in a little reinforcement to help melt the anxiety snowball. Sometimes you need to call someone that will not reply with “Oh no! How are you going to get all that done!? Why did you waste your time and energy on a new website? Wow, if you already have writer’s block how do you ever expect to write a book?” No- You call someone that says “Oh no, I am so sorry”, and proceeds to distract you with a story so the next thing you know you are both laughing at yourselves and each other for the ridiculous ways we as women drive ourselves crazy. As she hung up the phone she said “Now get on it. My phone better ding that you have a new post before I get back home.”
That is the kind of friends we need. The kind that show a little compassion but not pity, that love us without enabling us, that encourage us and build us up, and then give us a little kick in the hiney to push us forward and help us accomplish the things that truly matter to us.
If you are in need of a friend that will lift you up, please take a moment to fill out a prayer request and I will be happy to do for you what my friend did for me today 🙂
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. -Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Love, Grace, and a Belly Laugh with a Girlfriend Day to You all,