Webter’s defines loneliness as being without company, or sadness from being alone. Though that may be accurate, there is a loneliness that hurts more than the loneliness we can experience when we are alone. It is the loneliness we can feel when we are in the midst of many.
I have no problem being alone. I am pretty independent and can entertain myself for hours :). But to be surrounded by a group of people and feel no connection is the loneliest feeling for me. It it almost like a physical pain for me. The only way for me to alleviate the loneliness is to get away by myself and be truly alone.
Have you ever experienced that kind of loneliness? When I experience it I often assume there is something wrong with me. As a look around the group they all seem to be connecting and enjoying themselves. I am the odd woman out. If the majority is connecting than the issue must be with me. So now in addition to the loneliness, in comes it’s evil brother isolation.
I was suffering from loneliness yesterday. Yes, suffering. Connecting to others is one of the things that makes me tick. I can only engage in so much small talk and surface conversation. After awhile I disconnect. My soul needs heartfelt, truth seeking conversation in order to flourish. I do not have that here, and it’s a struggle.
I have spent a lot of time alone on this trip. Last night I asked the Lord why I was feeling so lonely and emotional. I mean come on- am I seriously going to spend each day of vacation experiencing a painful emotion just so I can blog about it?!
I got the sense God was allowing me to feel this way to teach me a couple of things. First of all, though loneliness is painful, it is sometimes necessary. Being like everyone else is not the way of those that truly follow Christ. In fact, when you live as Christ has called us to live, we will often find ourselves as outcasts; alone, and sometimes isolated. He also assured me there is nothing wrong with me. There is nothing wrong with the others either. They simply don’t crave the deep connections that I do.
He also reminded me that I have many amazing people in my life that He has connected me to. I reached out to a couple of them in my distress. Having them share my pain and assure me they understood got me through the worst of it.
The most important thing God is teaching me about loneliness is that even when I feel lonely, I am never alone. He is always with me. Though I was in emotional distress last night I could sense He was with me and that He would not allow me to spiral downhill- as long as I remain tethered to Him.
If you find yourself in a state of loneliness, please fill out a prayer request. I would love to pray for you. Or pretty much just text me. I think it’s only my dear friends and family reading this. You all have my number 🙂
You are not alone. God promises us in Hebrews 13:5 “I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.” Though you may feel alone, if you sit still and quiet yourself before the Lord, He will make himself known to you. If being lonely every once in awhile is what is takes to remind me to sit in His presence, I assure you, it is worth it!
Dear Heavenly Father, I confess I often find myself feeling lonely. I know you promise to never leave me or forsake me but sometimes you feel so far away. Please bless me with your presence. Let me experience your love in an intimate way. Thank you for setting me apart for better things. Thank you for giving me the desire to live in connection with my brothers and sisters in Christ. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Love, Grace, and a Reminder that You Are Never Alone,